You're Everywhere (Levi x Reader)
by bloodoflevi
Summary: You had known him in the underground, when he left for the military he told you to run, to not get caught by Erwin. You began to go beyond the walls and fight titans on your own. You were a one man army, and had grown to like it. Until you were chased down by Erwin, captured by him and Levi. He acts like he doesn't remember nor care about you at all. That is,until you confront him
1. Chapter 1: Betrayal

**I hope you enjoy the first part, it's a bit short. But I feel like it's a good introduction to the fanfiction. Looking forward to writing it all ^.^**

Please comment or vote if you enjoyed .

I sat on the railing of my shitty apartment enjoying the comfort of the stars, sending the dark sky alight. I heard the distant screams of unknowing tourists as they entered the underground, only to be mugged several seconds later. It's surprising, that there are still people stupid enough to come down here. I took a bite of my bread while adjusting my 3DM gear, preparing for my night endeavours. I craved for the feel of _real_ air rustling my (h/c) hair in the wind. I decided it was time, and jumped off the ledge, landing on the ground with a thump. I pulled by comforting cloak around me, shielding me from the unwelcoming air. My eyes gazed at what were probably the screamers, their blood soaking the ground beneath them. _When will people learn._

When I had successfully climbed the wall, I allowed myself to look at the ruins beneath me, _oh how humanity as fallen_. I draw my attention to the forest that resided in front of me, eager to jump into its depths and outside of the claustrophobic walls. When I engaged my first titan, I slit its neck with swiftness, using its body to kick off to another, in which I slashed the neck of in a matter of seconds. This was how I let off steam, let off my hatred for the world. I was alone, and it was how I liked things. Attachments lead to nothing but disappointment, I made my may further into the forest, listening to the rustle of leaves against the wind. I continued killing whatever titans entered my path, I was at peace and I let my anger take over. This soon formed into rage.

I was about to continue making my way through the forest, until a sound caught in my ear. One of the sounds, seeming like a 3DM gear wire, the other sounded of a gallop of a horse. I had to be hearing things, no one would dare to be out here. No one unless…

I started running, lifting off with my gear, shooting my wires at the nearest tree. _After all this time, why now?_ I asked myself, while gaining speed. Whoever it was, wouldn't be able to keep up with me. My speed almost seemed inhuman, I swung through the trees with expertise, yet the sounds were still close behind me. Whoever it was should have fallen behind by now. I saw a shadow behind me, and a slight flick of raven-black hair. I continued moving through the forest, getting faster and faster. It was silent for a moment, then I was tackled to the ground by an unknown figure.

I saw the survey corps logo, and without checking who it was, hit them back, trying to get them to stumble. The person had a strong stature, and didn't stumble once. We engaged in fighting, I tried to hit them with all my might, they dodged it swiftly. I needed to think quickly, as the person ran towards me with striking speed. The person hit at me, trying to lower my guard. I leapt off with my gear, beginning to move through the forest once again. I stopped at a tree, hoping to gain intel on my follower's whereabouts. The person hurdled towards me, in the middle of dodging noticed the eyes that could belong to no one other than _him._ I had become distracted, which lead the follower to push be down to the ground, on top of me. My hands were pinned down with incredible strength and my heart was pounding. I noticed the silver fleck of anger in his steely grey eyes.

"Levi" I whispered, breathless, my mind conjuring images of the past. Despite my minds current state, by body continued to struggle against him violently. His hold on me hardened, to the point of bruising. I heard the sound of galloping once again, as a horse stopped before us. The rider of the horse I recognized as Commander Erwin.

"(f/n), you've caused us quite a lot of trouble," the commander spoke, his voice thick. I didn't speak, giving him a glare of hatred. He sighed, then looked at Levi.

"Levi, handcuff her, I get a feeling she's not going to be speaking tonight," Levi didn't speak, yet just took out the handcuffs and placed them on me, I could have fought and freed myself, but I was too stunned to even move. He lifted me up, pushing me forward towards the horse attached to Erwin's.

"She's stopped struggling I see, it's about time," I heard Erwin speak, and my anger bubbled up furiously. Levi pulled me up, with him to his horse, practically holding all my weight. I sat in front of him on the horse, his arms encasing me in a prison I couldn't escape from. He kicked the horse, and we began riding back towards the wall. I needed to speak, I needed to yell at him. But what was the point. The Levi I had known my entire life, obviously wasn't the Levi now. I had heard rumours, of him being humanity's strongest and humanity's hope but I dismissed them. I felt his breathing against my back, steady and controlled. I dared to look up at him, yet he wore the same bored expression I had remembered. Whereas myself, I didn't try to hide the betrayal in my eyes.


	2. Chapter 2: Manipulation

All I could feel was humiliation, humiliation when I was thrown in the room attached to Levi's, humiliation when I was handcuffed to the bed, humiliation when I was told to not attempt at escaping.

Humiliation when I managed to speak "Levi" I sounded broken, more desperate than anything. And I hated myself for being so vulnerable. But the humiliation hit its peak when Levi turned to me, his eyes looking right through me and spoke.

"That's corporal to you, brat," The anger that bubbled inside of me, was enough for me to break the handcuffs, but what good would that do? They would just continue after me, I stared at the stars from the window located beside the bed. And I felt an ache in my chest, breaking me from the inside out.

I woke up to the screeches of Isabel's screams, my body involuntarily shaking.

"Isabel, I'm so sorry," I whispered. My head shot up, my hand knocking against the handcuffs. I wondered whether Isabel and Farlan had survived as long as Levi, and whether they were here. I whimpered, lying back down, wondering if I was going to get any sleep.

When morning peeked through the window and sunlight hit my face, I awoke. Surprised at that I was able to sleep, I sat up. In perfect timing, Levi stormed through the door, acknowledging the fact that I was awake. He walked over, unlocking the cuffs.

"Don't you dare run," he warned, glaring at you, eyes blazing. At that moment, as he looked at me like I was nothing but dirt on a rug, I decided not to be the pathetic mess I was becoming. Nothing ever got to me, and I wasn't going to let this. I let my hatred for the world and strength take over my mind again, and raised my eyes to meet his. I gave him my icy glare and stood.

"Wouldn't think of it, Corporal," I spat, never wavering my gaze. He clicked his tongue, making the sound "Tch" then walked out the door. I followed him, my steps light yet my body feeling extremely heavy. I was led outside to what looked to be a training ground, where a group of people stood talking. They turned to Levi, saluting him. Then looked at me, their eyes warm, I erased whatever friendly motions I could be giving them with a dark stare, warning them.

"Hello, I'm Petra," a girl with strawberry blonde hair and welcoming amber eyes, she pointed at a man with blonde hair that was tied up at the back, "That's Eld," she then pointed at an average height man with black hair that was slicked into a point at the back, his eyes serious, "That's Gunther, and that annoyance is Oluo" she pointed at the last guy, who looked to be impersonating Levi, sporting the same hairstyle, the same condescending glare and a cravat, it was amusing, seeing someone try to be Levi. I stifled a laugh as the group looked at me expectedly.

"And you must be (y/n)," the girl named Petra finally spoke.

"Mhm," I muttered rudely, disappointing her. In the corner of my eye, I saw Levi glaring at me. _What are you expecting, for me to jump on her and cuddle her?_ I thought, glaring at him with an equally menacing look.

"I want you all to train in preparation for the upcoming expedition, as well as making sure you know the formation to every detail. No slacking off, this expedition is extremely important." Levi said, sending his group off. He then grabbed my arm and pulled me as he walked. I shrugged his grip off and continued walking on my own, keeping my distance from him. We reached what I assumed to be Erwin's office, as Levi barged through, causing Erwin to look up from the stack of files piled on his desk. His eyes met mine, and a smile hung on his lips.

"(y/n), glad you're still here," he sounded surprised, but brushed it off completely the continued, "I'm here to make you an offer."

"Hah, an offer usually means I have a choice," I retorted, my eyes not leaving his.

"You have a choice, you just may not like the options. It's simple, you either join the Survey Corps and help humanity win this war, or I turn you over to the Military Police. As you know, they've been looking for you for years. You've built quite a reputation for yourself. I'm surprised you've survived this long," I became mad at the doubt in his voice, although it didn't matter what he thought, it still irritated me when people doubted my skills.

"They're useless. Go ahead, hand me over to them and see how long it takes for me to escape, while their heads are shoved up their asses." I told him, and I noticed the hint of a smirk form on Levi's lips. I moved closer to Erwin, my voice in a whisper, "If you were going to hand me over to them at the slightest objection, you wouldn't have brought me here. I'm not one to be easily frightened, so I dare you, to try harder."

Erwin had a smirk strewn across his face, at least he has a good sense of humour. "There's one thing I have been meaning to ask you," he stated, curious.

"Call me intrigued, Commander," I mocked, the sarcasm in my tone strong.

"I've observed you for a while now, and I can't help but notice your determination for killing titans. You spend every night outside the wall, killing them. Which makes me wonder as to why you wouldn't want to join the Scouting Legion," I knew he was going to speak of this, he was so goddamn predictable.

"If you've been observing me, as you said. Then a smart man such as yourself must have realised that I am a typically lone wolf," I said coldly, wondering as to what he was going to say next.

"Being the smart man that I am, as you so politely complimented, I have noticed this. I was suspicious as to why, so I managed to get a hold of your file," he held up a thick document, with the military police mark stamped upon it, I couldn't help but grin. "But for such a thick document, hardly any personal information was to be found."

"That's a shame, although I do appreciate your efforts," my sarcastic remarks failing me, the situation was just to amusing to not make fun of.

"Although, I was able to dig deeper and found some rather interesting photos, including yourself with a soldier I am familiar with myself," he handed me the photo, which I immediately recognised as myself, laughing with Isabel, it was one of the very few times I was actually happy. We didn't even know the photo was being taken at the time, but Farlan snuck it in during our fits of laughter. If he knew about them, did he know about Levi? You looked up at Erwin, that _intelligent bastard._ He's trying to hit something in me, if you want to play it that way, commander.

I grabbed Erwin's collar and pushed him against the wall, considering the difference in size between us, he should have been easily able to get out of it. But my strength was not something to be tested. I notice a flicker of movement as Levi makes his way over, before Erwin reaches a hand out to stop him.

"I see what you're doing, Commander, but it seems as though you've underestimated me. I think you're forgetting the fact that you are the one that brought her here, that trailed her for months to force her to join this organisation. If you think I'm going to respect you for that, then you have a harsh reality coming," every letter I spoke came out ice cold, my glare burning a hole in his brain.

"Short-tempered," he stated, simply.

"I prefer to think of it as unable to be manipulated, I seriously advise you to take a different approach before I rip your tongue out, or better, kill you." My tone was deadly serious, the room rising in tension by the second. I let him go and walked over to where I was previously sitting. Levi opened his mouth to speak, but Erwin raised his hand to stop it.

"Let me put it this way, we can hand you over to the Military Police and you can escape, but every time you do so, We will come for you again and again. Until it becomes impossible for you to survive, you can keep running and hiding. Or, you can join the Scouting Legion and stop running, instead utilizing the skills that have been going to waste and help humanity win this war. You can honour the people that died for this cause, including people you have lost yourself by not being a coward hiding in the protection of the wall, but instead becoming a value to humanity," He spoke well and clear, speaking only the truth.

"I'll be a lot more trouble than I'm worth," I smirked evilly. I didn't intend on folding that easily, but he was right, Isabel and Farlan had joined this, and by the sound of it had died for it too. I had already let them down once, and although there was a painful ache in my heart for not being able to say goodbye or apologize. I would honour them the best way I knew how, by killing titans. The savage beasts that had killed so many of who I knew, of who I let myself care for. I wasn't going to change, but I wasn't remaining a coward any longer.

"You may think you've won this, but I'm warning you with every bone in my body. I will kill you one day, even if I am killed along with it. I have the feeling you are still underestimating me and that you know who I am, but you're wrong." I spoke the truth back at him, meaning every word that was spoken.

He held his hand out, entirely serious as he did so, I took it hesitantly and noticed a flicker of surprise flash in Levi's eyes. _Not as predictable as you thought, am I corporal._ Erwin looked at me with what I saw as respect and understanding, I met his eyes with loathing,

"Welcome to the Survey Corps."


	3. Chapter 3: The Scent Of Bleach

I threw him to the ground, satisfied with the whimper that left his lips. I looked around me at the crowd that had now formed, Petra was grinning at me, happier than I had ever seen her. As well as the rest of Levi's squad, that could hardly contain their laughter.

"Lucky shot," Oluo uttered, rising from the ground in pain. I smirked at him, flicking him on the head as I spoke.

"There's no such thing as luck. Maybe next time, you'll no better not to challenge me," he didn't seem happy at my response, as he tried to kick my feet from beneath me, but I moved back swiftly. Causing him to lose his balance and fall to the ground once again. That was too much for the crowd that surrounded me and the pathetic form, as they all erupted into laughter. I heard the yells of a familiar voice as the crowd began to disperse, Levi making his way towards me.

"What's going on here?" he asked, resentment furrowing in his eyebrows.

"Oluo's getting kicked in the ass by karma, that's what's going on here," I heard Eld reply, as he looked at me with amusement. If there was anyone that I respected in the Scouting Legion, it was Eld. He had a quiet solitude about him and didn't pressure me to speak let alone force me to smile, he accepted the way I was and didn't care much for the rumours that circulated about me. We had a sort of silent agreement that no one else seemed to understand.

And if there was anyone that I respected the _least,_ it was that clean-freak asshole that looked at me like dirt on his shoe. The fact that he didn't acknowledge my existence in his life was bad enough, let alone the way he looked at me. All the years of living with Levi, having a relationship that we both respected, both alike in ways no one could understand to hating him with every blood vessel that pumped in my body. He looked down at Oluo, who was still lying on the ground, trying to get up. He finally managed to, and stood with anger that was mixed with slight embarrassment.

"I was going easy on you, rookie. If I hadn't held back then you'd hardly have any bones not broken in your pathetic excuse of a body," he argued, infuriated. I stepped towards him, my aggressive (e/c) eyes staring him down until he was nothing but an ant.

"Then enlighten me and feel free to fight me again, but I assure you, if you thought that pain was bad, it can get a whole lot worse," my voice was bold and defiant, and I heard his heart beating faster than I could count. He stepped away from me, trying to put on a face of disgust and not fear.

"Wouldn't waste my time," he said, turning to walk off. He spun around as the group burst out in laughter once again, he tensed up. Then muttered something and walked off.

"That was really something; I haven't seen him lose to someone that badly since the Captain beat him down. Where did you learn to fight (y/n)?" Petra asked, still giggling. Her question had a simple answer, I had learned to fight on my own, but my mind said only one thing, _Levi._ He had taught me more than anyone, and the flashbacks came at me like tsunamis before I had the chance to stop them.

 _I kicked at him with all my force, and for once he stumbled back, not predicting my actions. It didn't last for long; he grabbed my leg and pulled it from under me, about to crash to the ground I let my feet take control, pushing myself back up. Sweat stained my clothes, little beads of sweat dripping off my forehead slowly. He was sweating just as much, but wasn't panting as much as me. His breath was always so controlled._

"Your reflexes are getting better," he acknowledged, "But you need to put more force into your hits. Try and kick more from the back of your leg, rather than the front."

I kicked him again, doing as he told me, putting more strength into it. It hit him square in the chest, his body wavering slightly. "Better," he encouraged.

"You could use some work on your punches, I know your strength yet you aren't using it as much as you can," I commented, choosing my words carefully. He nodded, understanding what I was criticising. He couldn't help the smirk that tipped on his strict lips.

"Maybe I'm just holding back."

"Me and you both know that you never hold back," my eyes glimmering with determination. He lunged towards me, catching me off guard. His body holding down my own.

"Never let your guard down," he warned, danger in his breath. Tension arose between us, as I felt his breath run across my neck. I stared at him with ferocity, his eyes carving pools into my own. I knew what he wanted, and it was right there, all he had to do was take it. He leaned down further, I could smell pine and the overwhelming scent of bleach residing on him. His lips were unbelievably close to mine, and the self-control it took not to close the gap was overwhelming. I could tell he was thinking the same thing, before he pushed off me, the tension still floating in the air.

My mind drew its attention back to the present, my breathing steadied. "No one important," I answered her, the irritation clear in my voice.

"Well, you're clearly extremely talented, it makes me wonder how you'd do against the Captain," she questioned, hope burning in her innocent eyes. I laughed internally, as the rest of the group agreed. Levi stood casually, stoic expression and all.

"What do you say, _Corporal_?" I mocked, sarcasm when I hit the word corporal.

"Tch. I won't hold back," he narrowed his eyes at me, _condescending prick_.

"Wouldn't expect you to, _Corporal_ "

 **Overcoming my writer's block slowly, I think.**

ARGHH, DAMN YOU BRAIN.


	4. Chapter 4: Seen Like a God

**A fairly short chapter, but I hope it's appreciated anyway. I feel as though I needed to add this in, I don't know why. I'm currently thinking of ideas of where to go off from here, which isn't going to well from my writer's block.**

Anyway, thanks for reading!

His lips curved up into a murderous smirk, his eyes looking through me. He had landed a hit on my stomach, and had expected me to stumble back; I used the distraction to my advantage, attacking him swiftly. My hand moved towards his jaw with bone-breaking strength as he leaned his head back to dodge it, I let my knee slam into his stomach. Now that we were even again, I let myself spit on the floor in front of him in a daring move of disgust. The fury that burned in his eyes at that moment was remarkable, amusing to me more than anything. I ignored the gasps of his team and flung myself against him once again, and soon we were engaged in a battle of strength and wits. As good as he was claimed to be, he had kept mostly the same fighting techniques from younger years. I however, had learned more and trained harder than my body could handle over the years. As pain seemed to be the only remedy for my burning regret and hatred. Despite this, I hadn't managed to pin him down once; I had come close, but not close enough. I decided to toy with him, using a trick I had learnt over the years. I lowered my defences a small amount, enough for him to get me pinned on the ground.

"As weak as ever," he whispered, loud enough for only me to hear. He made the wrong choice at that moment, as I found the strength to move my leg from under him. Using my flexibility, I kicked him off me with my foot, hitting him square in the chest and sending him flying back. The heat in my leg began to die down, and I took the moment of opportunity to get on top off him, my hold never wavering. I used whatever strength my body had to keep him pinned on the ground.

"Never let your guard down," I spat at him, knowing he knew what I was referring to. He didn't struggle or try to free himself from my hold, but instead took the moment to smirk at me with whatever rage he could find for me. The smirk screamed condescendence and and scorn. And I guessed that if he were to say something, it would go along the lines of _worthless_ and _superior._

I got off him, meeting his face with my own brand of disdainful aura. When I glanced around me, I was faced with a mouth-opened squad. Petra began to speak, but quickly ran out of breath and couldn't speak, leaving herself to look like a total idiot. Levi had already gotten up, and had started to walk back to his office. _He's probably going to wash his goddam clothes._ It was honestly what he was probably going to do when he got back.

"Well I think it's fair to say that that was fucking unexpected," Eld inquired, unlike the rest of them, he seemed more impressed than anything. Whereas when I allowed a look back to Petra, it looked as though her entire body had shut down. Frozen to the point that I could barely see her breathing. _He's seen like a god around here._


	5. Chapter 5: Goodbyes Mean Nothing

**Time skip: You have learnt about Eren being a titan shifter, and are going to be joining the formation on the expedition. You haven't met Eren yet, but will be in this chapter.**

A human turning into one of _them,_ it seemed illogical, or more so it seemed ironic. _The things that are shoving us to the brink of extension may be the things to redeem it._ It was a ludicrous thought, and quite sickening.

"Whatever we have to do to win this war," Erwin's voice plagued my mind, itching at my curiosity. Out of all the things I had imagined, seeing such a young and what seemed innocent teenager as a killer transforming titan was not sketched in my brain in any way possible.

His eyes were so green a meadow could be seen within them, so full of life and hurt that it almost seemed _unreal._ Yet here I stood, in front of any other average rookie, looking at what so many were afraid of. The thought as to whether this could be a regular occurrence interfered in my thought processes. If he could be one, what stopped others?

"Eren Yeager from the 104th training division!" He saluted me, with the utmost pride etched in his young features. The squad began watching me intently, wondering as to what my reaction would be to the titan shifter.

"So you're the kid that's got everyone scared shitless," I remarked, observing him. He noticed me staring in interest, as I saw no point in hiding it and a slight blush arose in his cheeks. I ignored it and continued, "I don't personally don't see it myself, the endless determination flooding your eyes makes it obvious which side you're on."

He seemed astonished at my reaction, bewildered was a good word for it, "When I become a titan, there is no way in telling that I can control it or not. I suppose that's why people are so afraid, along with the fact that I've become what these walls are used to protect from." At least he's honest, "You aren't afraid?"

"What good is fear, you never learn anything from making safe choices, and it's the daring ones that make the difference. Something the people hiding behind these walls should begin to understand. You don't frighten me at the least, and I doubt you will in your other form either." I wasn't lying; I had looked fear in the face a long time ago and come to grips with it. Everything can be conquered in this world, so what reason is there to fear it, you face the possibility of death every time you utter a breath. So fighting titans to me is looking death right in the eyes, whether you let it catch you is up to you.

"You are one of the few I actually believe when you say that," I understood what he meant, his eyes full of compassion and respect.

"You're one of the few that may actually make an impact," I answered his unspoken question and noticed him nodding at me in reply. I began to notice at the corner of my eye, a man listening to every word spoken. None other than Levi, I had predicted, and my prediction was correct as he walked towards Eren in a normal pace, his feet barely making a sound on the ground.

"I hate to interrupt the sob fest, but you have cleaning to do," we had arrived at the old headquarters, the new home for Eren, the squad and me for the duration of the assignment. Levi assigned rooms for cleaning, as well as the sleeping arrangements. I had a room to myself, the furthest away from Levi's I had noticed. _What, is he like allergic to me now? You'd think humanity's strongest would have the balls to face his past. Maybe I would just have to make him._ Glamorous thoughts of ruining whatever good was in Levi's night made me feel an oncoming victory.

We were all seated on a wooden table, much like the ones from the regular dining area back at HQ. Hange was talking about her experiments, which drove almost everyone out of the room. Leaving only myself, Hange, Eren and _him._ Hange continued talking away, Eren looking as confused as ever. I was tempted to interject and tell Hange to shut up, as her voice began to give me a headache. She began talking about the fact that she had joined the Scouting Legion to learn more about the titans, continuing to speak continuously; this woman really had no filter.

Eren turned his attention to me, looking for any escape.

"(y/n), I don't mean to be rude or outstep any boundaries but why did you join the Survey Corps yourself?"

"Why does anyone join the Survey Corps?" I didn't answer him, but gave him the opportunity to let me know his opinion.

"To be free, to take back what is rightfully ours and seek revenge from those who took it from us," I noticed the deep pool of tears he struggled to hold back.

"I suppose, but when would you consider yourself free, Eren? When the titans are extinct, when you are beyond the wall, when you are dead?" I knew I could have been seen as coming off too strong, but I didn't care.

"When I finally kill them all!"

"I admire your determination, but you are foolish if you believe that it will be as easy as it is for you to utter the words from your mouth. No matter how strong someone is, no matter how ruthless or determined the person may be, death claims you soon enough. You've already escaped death countless times, and before long it will catch up with you. Saying these things will do nothing; acting on them will do everything, Eren. I have no doubt that you could be the one to win the war, but you must take into account the countless soldiers that have died. Special ability or not, even the strongest die."

I had expected him to start yelling, to hit something or do anything remotely immature. But his maturity surprised me, as he remained calm and took in the words I said with careful consideration.

"You must have lost a lot to become like this," he spoke softly, almost afraid to say the words. Hange looked at me, obviously worried at the boy's choices in words.

"I never had anything to begin with and I sure as hell don't want your pity."

"I-I-I-I'm sor-rr-ry (y/n), I shouldn't have said something like that."

"Don't apologize, brat," the words came from the other end of the table, as Levi placed his teacup on the table, "Pathetic cowards like her talk more than they should."

"A Coward," I laughed a short sarcastic laugh, "Hypocritical ass, you can't say anything about cowards."

"I'll tell you what I can say," he leaned forward, shooting me with icy glares, "I can say that all you do is run, run away from pain, run away from the truth, run away from everything, like a _coward."_ He spoke the last word slowly, dragging out each letter.

Eren and Hange started moving slowly below the table, trying to hide from the fight engaging between what looked to be Humanity's strongest.

"You want to talk about running now, I can play this game," I challenged him, "You ran from everything, into everything you had ever been against, you ran away from everything you'd known, not caring who you left behind in the process. You ran so far, that the past didn't seem to matter anymore. You ran them into their deaths, and you're too cowardly to admit to any of it," I hadn't meant to say it, but my anger had gotten the better of me. I didn't regret it, but instead enjoyed the small flicker of pain flash through his stoic expression, "And because of you're running, I didn't even get to say goodbye."

It felt good to blame someone, to place some of the guilt on someone else's chest. It was selfish, but this world was selfish. I didn't attempt to hide the abhorrence that hit my features in every way. He had flinched at my last words, and I waited for a comeback, a comment to push the guilt back to me, but there was nothing. At least for a little while, before he spoke few but impacting words.

"Goodbyes mean nothing in this world."


	6. Chapter 6: Ripper

**I dunno where I am going with this story, but i'm sure as hell having fun writing it. I'm sorry if Levi is a bit OOC at the end, but even with his attitude I think I did it pretty well. I don't know. Please let me know what you think in the comments as well as what you would like to see happen, it's an open book right now xD**

 **I also put in a little background of your life, as well as a little clue as to who your family is, hope you don't mind!**

 **Thanks for reading!**

I hadn't hit something so hard in a long time; I hadn't worked myself so hard or sweated so hard since years ago. And even then, I didn't think it could compare to this. Since there was no gym here, I was stuck hitting a fake titan used for the trainee's practises. It felt good, the strain I was putting on my body was obvious, but nothing stopped my vendetta against this stupid mannequin titan that stood before me. I hadn't been able to sleep, so I decided to force my body to comply the only way I knew how, pain. Memories of earlier clouded my vision.

 _Goodbyes mean nothing in this world._ And with that I hit it harder, if that was even possible. My anger was fuelled and seemed as though it would never run out. Without myself knowing, I began to yell, it was as though my conscience knew that if I had known of the things I was yelling I would have stopped myself. And I needed to let the words go, somewhere, anywhere. I began saying names, one after another almost like a mantra. At the start it was the victims that I had killed over the years, if you could even call them _victims._ Then it moved to all the people I had seen die, every last one. Every name I said was met with a hit.

"Axel," punch, "Bain," punch, "Ryker," punch, "Amya," punch. It continued for longer than it should have, but the anger didn't wear out.

"Kai," _brother._

" _Ethan," father._

"Atari," _mother._

My hands began to bruise, my body begged for relief. I needed to say the last two names, I needed to _respect_ them. As much as my body cried, I reached my arm back and threw another punch, sending the dummy further back.

"Isabel."

The last one shook my arm violently, my body pulsing and my heart beating frantically.

"Farlan," I uttered, the words barely escaping my lips. I collapsed to the floor, my body demanding it. I hadn't noticed the silhouette until now, my eyes grazing over where they stood by the door. _How long had they been there?_

"Finished with your tantrum?" the voice was as cold as the man owning it. My blood heated to the point of boiling.

"Not just yet," I arose at the speed of lightning, hurdling towards him and pushing him against the wall. My arm tightened around his neck. I heard the same controlled breathing it always was, and tightened my grip. He looked at me, a blank stare on his face.

"Do you have any other emotional setting besides asshole?" I asked him, fed up with his lack of honesty.

"I could ask you the same thing, _ripper_ ," My breath hitched ever so slightly. Ripper, one of the many identifiers I had earned in the underground. Mainly due to the way I _ripped_ my victims apart. I hadn't been called by it in years, as many other identifiers had formed. I wasn't just a ruthless murderer, or so I had thought. All I thought I was doing was ridding the world of the most horrible humans, all though it may have gone too far. I had only killed murderers and rapists, except for one day, which haunted me everywhere I went.

 _I had been following him for days, assuring myself as to whether he was who I thought. I had been right, he had been robbing and killing whoever he felt like. Even if children were involved, especially if children were involved actually. He took joy in watching them die; I knew this by the smile that plastered his face when his own heart stopped beating in his chest._

I just needed to rid the world of such a sadistic man, we needed all the people we could get, and he was pointlessly killing them like flies. An innocent boy that looked to be no older than six came running out, yelling for whatever was happening to stop. I had loosened my grip on the man, no child deserved to see this. It was bad enough that he lived in the underground. I had made a mistake then, showing the remorse for the child in my eyes, showing my weakness.

I was much younger then, and I wasn't as skilled as I needed to be. The man had managed to get his hands on the child, taking out a knife and holding it against the boy's neck. I made a move to him, but the man started to cut which was enough to get me to stop in my tracks. I was naïve, being as young as I was I should have known I couldn't be as strong.

 _I had killed the man, and a boy had also died at my hands._

 _Seeing it was so surreal, it was the moment that decided who I really was._

 _A murderer, a ripper._

I stared at Levi, and released my grip on him; my anger hadn't subsided in the least. I began walking away, back to the titan dummy.

"Running away again? I've got to say, I expected more of a fight." I drained his voice out the best to my ability, yet it still managed to get to me, "It's good to see you're finally learning who the superior is."

I continued to ignore him; otherwise I would have ripped his head off then and there. I was the ripper, after all. I attacked the dummy again, hitting it with the anger that I couldn't form into words.

"Why so silent," Levi had come up behind me, whispering close enough that I could feel his breath on my ear. I turned around, our faces meeting in the middle, close enough I could smell the odour of bleach that I knew all too well. I needed to catch him off guard, to get him riled up enough to get answers. There was one question tipping off my tongue.

"How did they die?" I spoke it softly, making sure to look into his eyes in the most furious way possible. I had struck a nerve, I could tell by the way his normally controlled heartbeat rose, "Goodbyes may mean nothing, but closure is worth a lot more," his body tensed, "You're guilty, I can smell it on you. So why don't you finally grow some balls to face it."

He lunged at me, pulling me into the same position I had had him in moments before, "I faced it a long time ago, you just weren't there. You were _never_ there."

"I had put my trust in someone to not be there. But I think he's forgotten that, I had promised him, but he broke it. Becoming all high and mighty must have been more important. You can't even say it, can you? You killed them, and you know it."

"You want me to say it? I killed them, my pride got in the way. I was so focused on killing Erwin that when they depended on me, I wasn't there. I watched Isabel get crushed by a titan and I watched Farlan get eaten by one too. Is that what you want? Is that you're fucking closure?" he yelled, intensifying his hold on me to the point of bruising.

"I don't blame you," he became angrier, "I know you want me to, but I don't blame you."

Fire lit up in his eyes, burning me to ashes. He threw me across the ground, and I felt the pain string through me. I got up before he could hit me again, but I refused to hit him back. He needed this, and for this once I was willing to give it to him. He ran towards me, taking whatever shot he could, he got me in the stomach with such force I flew back. My body wanted to fight, and I knew if I didn't stop him he might kill me. But I didn't care.

"How can you not blame me?" He yelled, as he pushed me against the wall, I heard the wood crack beneath my back. "If there is anyone that should hate me, it should be you. If there is anyone to kill me one day, it should be you."

"I never said I didn't hate you," I told him, allowing myself to speak, "But I won't be the one to kill you, Levi."

I took his hands off me, releasing myself from his grasp. The usually calm and stoic corporal had turned into something I didn't even recognise. I felt a tug on my arm as I had begun to walk away and turned around.

"Why?" The stoic corporal had returned, looking at me with his neutral stare. It was a question that made me think myself, why didn't I want to kill him? I had enough anger for him, but was the anger hate? No, it wasn't. Because despite everything, despite the promises he broke, despite the truth he had denied me, despite the fact that he left me for dead, I couldn't let myself hate him.

"Because I don't want to see you die."


	7. Chapter 7: A Feather in Wings Of Freedom

**I KNOW IT MAY HAVE BEEN WEIRD FOR ERWIN TO TRUST YOU.**

BUT I NEED THAT RELATIONSHIP FORMED, AND HE'S AN INTELLIGENT GUY MAN, HE KNOWS WHO YOU ARE. STAHP JUDGING ME WITH YOUR EYES.

Anyway, I feel like this chapter was more of a plot fill and recap, but I need to delve deeper in the story so this needed to happen. I also thought I needed to put in a part where you finally choose where you belong, even if it's cheesy or whatever ^.^

 **I tried to put Levi stuff in where I could, happy reading!**

I'm sorry if there are spelling/grammar mistakes, I didn't have any time to proof read.

Please vote or comment if you enjoyed reading! c:

The silence was tedious as I sat on one of the few chairs placed in Erwin's office. He hadn't spoken a word to me since I had gotten here, and he looked to be contemplating something. Levi stood, his back against the wall looking out the window, while Erwin continued to stare down at his paperwork.

"Is there a reason why you called me here or are we just going to sit in silence for the next hour?" I asked, the silence getting on my nerves.

"There's a reason, I'm just deciding as to whether I'm making the right choice," he told me, finally looking up.

"I guarantee you aren't making the right choice, Erwin," Levi announced coldly, the ice in his words cooling the room.

"You couldn't have figured this out before you called me here?" I questioned him, with obvious logic. He stared at me with the same serious look he always wore.

"No," he answered plainly, apparently unable to use more words.

"So are you going to tell me what I'm here for or continue not using your voice box?" I was beginning to lose my temper, and he could tell.

"It is regarding the expedition to determine Eren's future," he informed me, "I am trusting very few with this information, and I am placing my trust with you."

Levi clicked his tongue, as he moved closer to us and leaned on a wall once again.

"You're placing your trust in a murderer that swore to kill you and only joined the survey corps a week ago due to not having another choice, and I thought you were smart commander," I had used the same sarcasm I used when saying corporal with commander, hoping to get it across that he was making a bad move.

"No. I'm placing my trust in a valuable soldier with a high set of skills who I believe will do what's needed to be done in vulnerable situations. Think of this as a test, you fail me and you lose. You don't fail me, you win," he was deadly serious, but I couldn't help but laugh at his stupidity.

"I didn't think someone such as yourself saw these things as a game," I warned him, but his gaze didn't waver.

"I don't. I believe I am making the right choice in trusting you," I snorted, laughing at him, "You will also officially be joining the special operations squad," by the look on Levi's face, I could tell he wasn't impressed himself.

"I thought we agreed I was a lone wolf," I argued, exasperated.

"You _were_ a lone wolf, you a now a part of the Survey Corps and you need to learn to work in a team. You will be training with Levi to work on your teamwork as well as your strength as a soldier," he explained, his tone wary in how I was going to take it.

"As I recall I was strong enough to beat him," I nodded over to Levi, "which would suggest I am entirely strong enough," I was being unfairly stubborn, but I wanted to prove my point.

"You don't really think you won, do you?" he walked over, his eyes bored but humoured, "As I recall, you have never once fairly won against me. For me to call it a fair win, I would have to be unable to continue. I was fully able to continue I choose not to, otherwise, I would have killed you."

I knew he was stronger than me, but I refused to be patronized, "You may be stronger than me, but I don't like my own strength to be questioned. I don't need training for my strength, nor do I need any for teamwork. I am perfectly capable to work in a team, but I will do my very best to avoid working in one."

"Not in the Special Operations Squad or even in the Scouting Legion. You will be working in a team, and you will be trained. You may have been used to being alone and taking down titans to your pleasure. But beyond the walls, further than you have been, it gets worse. I am placing my trust in you, so I expect you to do the same," Erwin wasn't the least bit frustrated, almost as if he had expected a fight.

"I will place my trust in you, but that may result in me placing my blame in you and I will train with him, but I refuse to be patronized. I don't understand why you are placing your trust in me, and you are most likely making a big mistake but I am a part of this damn organisation, so I will follow your command," I stopped being stubborn, knowing that I was just being stupid and naïve.

"Glad to hear it," he smiled briefly, which made me notice how he rarely smiled, "The expedition is known to be an expedition in which the results determine Eren's use to mankind. The plans for this have changed quite significantly." He glanced at Levi, who had more annoyance than boredom in his eyes, "We are afraid that there is a spy among us, another titan shifter if you will. We believe that the titan may be after Eren, and plans on attacking during the expedition. With this in mind, the main goal is to catch the titan-shifter." He took out a map, carefully pointing to where the trap was laid out; he explained the plan to me, and the structure behind the formation.

"How do you know I'm not the traitor?" I asked him, pondering.

"I don't, but I have a gut instinct that you are more of a soldier and are more devoted to the Survey Corps than you let on. Hence why I am trusting you, don't make me regret it," I nodded to him, as he went over the plan once more, letting me know that if something went wrong, to do what I think is right and follow Levi's orders.

 **Time Skip: The expedition.**

We were all lined up behind the gate, and it was only then that I had realised I had only met few people, Levi's squad, Hanji's Squad, Erwin and Eren. I was given all sorts of suspicious glances as I sat on my horse behind Levi, I had requested to be somewhere else in the formation to guard the new recruits or follow the titan-shifters tracks, but I was told to stay with the squad.

"I heard about her, she's from the underground," I heard someone say from behind me. I turned, noticing a brown haired man and a blonde haired woman quite far behind me, _talk any louder and titans might hear you._

"Why did they let trash like her in here?"

"Doesn't matter, she'll be dead by the end of the expedition."

"Street rats like her think she can survive out there, all she must know how to kill is humans. Disgusting," the person that spoke sounded to have spat once they had finished. I had already turned my back, used to rumors. Although these ones seemed to impact me differently. I noticed Eren's face growing angry, and looked as though he was about to yell before I raised an arm to stop him.

"There's no point," I told him, telling him to calm with my eyes. He turned back around grumpily, Eld had ridden up beside me, I hadn't noticed until he spoke.

"They don't know anything, don't let it get to you."

"Wouldn't think of it," He nodded and looked ahead towards the gate opening. The commander began yelling, as our horses took off, synchronized as we ran through the now open gateway out of the wall, into the ruins of the city.

"We will now begin the 57th expedition beyond the walls!" Erwin yelled, his voice fierce, "Onward!"

We ran throughout the town, and I took a moment to observe the fallen place. I heard Hangi yell something, as the support team went after what looked to be a 10 meter class. The soldier hit its weak point, but didn't cut deep enough. I looked forward again, focusing my attention on the formation. We continued to ride throughout the city; I was not far behind Levi, across from Eren and Oluo. Eren looked towards Oluo and spoke nervously.

"Sir Can they…" he trailed off for a moment, "Can my classmates beat the titans?"

"Huh? What have you been doing for the past month," Oluo responded, annoyed, "Listen, Brat. The most crucial part of an expedition is on how you avoid fighting titans" he bit his tongue, causing him to yell slightly. I smirked and took a deep breath as we entered open air.

"Go into long-range scouting formation!" Erwin yelled, moving his arms to direct. We were placed in the centre rear, as the centre seemed the safest place for Eren. Erwin had placed different spots for where we were located for the other soldiers, seeing as the spy could be anywhere. A red fire round was seen in the distance. Then the green smoke round was seen as we moved in that direction swiftly. I noticed a black smoke round from further back, an aborrent. I wondered how many people had died already.

We continued to move, changing courses every now and then and seeing warnings. We haven't run into any titans as of yet, and no emergencies seem to be spotted, all though there are no doubt casualties on the front lines. Oluo fired a green smoke round, following the rest of them. A rider approached us, and begins to ride beside Levi.

"Reporting!" the rider yelled, "Message to pass along! Right flank recon has been destroyed! Our recon system is partially inoperative. Pass this on, to the left."

I heard Eren gasp, as Levi turned to look at Petra.

"Did you hear that, Petra? Go." Levi commanded.

"Yes Captain," she began to ride off to the left, and I heard more fearful gasps escape Eren's mouth. Black rounds emerged near us and Levi ordered Eren to fire it.

"What a mess. We let it penetrate deep into our formation," Levi muttered, no one else seemed to have heard. I rode up closer towards him.

"Will the casualties and deaths be worth it?" I asked him, confronting what now looked to be a faulty plan.

"You tell me." He kept staring forward, keeping focus. We continued heading for the forest of gigantic trees. Entering through the middle, I took in the sights around me, familiarizing myself with the new surroundings. This place really is perfect for the 3D Maneuver Gear.

"Captain! Captain Levi!" Eren had yelled, confused.

"What?" he answered, clearly knowing what Eren was going to ask.

"Well.. We're in the middle of the woods! If the center enters alone, we won't know if titans are approaching! It seems something's approaching us from the right. How are we supposed to dodge titans or protect the carts?" He exclaimed, I thought he would have caught on to the use of the forest, but he hasn't seemed to.

"Don't go on and on about the obvious. We can't do that anymore, of course." He sounded more bored than anything, his voice plain.

"Th-Then why?" Eren asked, I mentally hit myself at his question.

"Look around Eren. At all these big ass trees," he told him, I openly snorted at his blunt wording, "It's the perfect environment for 3D Maneuver Gear. And try to use that tiny brain of yours, If you don't want to die, think."

"Yes, sir!" Not the response I was expecting. Eren began looking around frantically, as he noticed the dumfounded expressions placed on the squads faces. I was riding slightly in front of him, thus he couldn't see my face, and if he could he would be more disappointed. I watched him through the corner of my eye, noticing that he might have finally clicked to the fact that they don't know what's happening.

 _Hell, I shouldn't even know what's happening. Why is he intrusting me with this information? Does he really think I am reliable; I spent years running from him._ I thought. _Maybe it's because of Levi, maybe he knows about my past with him. But that doesn't make any sense, none of it does. Maybe it's just a test, but I doubt it, he wouldn't mishandle an expedition like that. I don't understand what I am in this organisation to him, I should be thought of as a mere rookie. Yet I am getting trusted with highly confidential information that only few have been intrusted with. I will confront him when this is over, to find out what he is thinking._

"A black smoke round?!" Eren blurted out with worry.

"It's from directly behind us! It's whatever was coming toward us on the right," Eld declared, his face slightly uneasy.

"Draw your blades," Levi spoke, his voice clear as he pulled out his blade, "If we see it, it'll only be for a second."

I drew my blade, holding it tight enough to make my knuckles whiten. I followed Levi's example, and continued to look forward, knowing that if I didn't I would see someone die. That was when I heard it, the thumping sound of a titan's foot against the ground.

"Go!" Levi yelled, and I sped up my horse. The titan was in plain view as it ran through the trees beside us. It's features were interesting, much like Eren's in ways but in others being the polar opposite. The titan jumped sideways, ripping a tree in half as it did so. Its face hovered over us for a moment. Before it steadied itself to the ground behind us. I heard Eren gasping once again, then Gunther speaking.

"It's fast! In these trees, there's no way to foresee and evade its attacks!"

"It'll catch us," Eld yelled, his voice containing a surprising amount of control.

"Captain, let's switch to Maneuver Gear!" Petra yelled, her eyes wider than I had ever seen them, when he didn't answer she yelled once again, "Captain!"

I heard the sound of the Maneuver gear wires, as the reinforcements went after the titan. This is the type of thing I looked ahead for.

"Reinforcements from the rear!" Petra yelled, hope filled and stating the obvious.

By the sound of the crushing I knew they had died and I wondered as to why I was looking away. I just don't want to see people die, but why am I being so cowardly. I shouldn't be afraid to face what is happening right before me.

"Captain, your orders?!" her scream was freakish, her entirely filled with terror and panic.

"Let's go for it! It's dangerous," Oluo yelled, "We should kill it!"

I heard a blade being drawn and an "I'll rip you apart!" by the voice I knew it was Eld. I just hoped he wouldn't do anything stupid.

"Captain!"

"What are your orders?!"

"At this rate, it will catch up with us!"

"We kill it here, that's why we came to this forest! Right Captain?"

The yells collapsed on top of one another, in a big heap of panic. I felt the panic consume me too, as my body shivered. _I need to trust in Erwin, I need to trust the plan._

"Everyone, cover your ears." Levi pulled out what I guessed to be the sound flare, which gave me a small amount of relief. I covered my ears as it went off, the pang obvious in my ears.

"A noise grenade?" Eren questioned.

"What is your job? To just let yourself be swayed by whatever your feeling at the moment? No, it's not. Our squad's job, is to keep the brat from getting a single scratch on him. Even if it costs our lives," He looked back ahead, his face showing no mercy, "We keep going on our horses, got it?"

"Roger!" Petra replied, her tone finding strength in Levi's words. Eren seemed surprised by this, and continued to ask questions.

"Keep going? For how long? And it's right on top of us," he begged, "Again! The reinforcements, if we don't help, they'll be wiped out again!"

"Stop questioning the orders and focus on ahead of you," I somewhat growled this to him, looking him straight in the eyes for the first time since we entered the forest. I had stayed silent most of the time, but he needed to understand.

"Eren, eyes on the road!" Gunther commanded, backing me up as Eren had continued to watch the reinforcements.

"Sir!" he yelled desperately, looking from me to him.

"Keep your pace up, stay at top speed!" Eld ordered, looking straight ahead.

"But sir, why?! If Squad Levi doesn't defeat it, who will?" Eren asked, getting angrier.

"Enough Eren, don't be so naïve," I didn't have much right to command him, but I wasn't one to hold my opinion when it needed to be raised. I allowed myself to look back at him, and as soon as I did I saw the female titan hit its hand on a soldier, squishing it against the tree, I winced slightly.

"Another ones dead, and maybe we could have saved him! One's still fighting, we could still make it!" the desperation was welling in his eyes; I looked forward once again and noticed everyone doing the same. It's not an easy decision for them, to ignore comrades being killed behind them, but it's a price that must be paid.

"Eren, eyes back on the road! Keep going!" Petra declared her voice wary towards him.

"Are you telling me to look away? To abandon my comrades and run?!" the anger in his voice reaching boiling point.

"Yes, that's right!" At least she's honest, "Obey the captain's orders!"

"I don't understand why we're leaving them to die! Or why he won't explain! Why?!"

"That's because the Captain decided the reason should not be explained. You just don't understand because you're still green! If you get it, then shut up and obey!" Oluo growled at him, finally losing his patience. I noticed Eren raising his thumb to his mouth, he's going to turn.

"Eren, don't you dare or I will kill you myself, orders or not," I warned him, my voice rising to the point of yelling. Petra looked at me, obviously surprised with my reaction. Eren gaped at me, scared by my serious threat. Petra talked after me, hoping to get through to him.

"You're only allowed to do that if your life is in danger. You promised us!" he didn't remove his thumb, but pushed it closer to biting point.

"Eren!" Petra yelled, her voice echoing.

"You aren't wrong," Levi had spoken, his eyes still ahead with his back to Eren, "If you want to, do it. I can tell. He's a real monster. And it has nothing to do with his titan power. No matter what power you use to supress him, no matter what cage you put him in, he will never submit to anyone."

 _A part of me wondered if he wasn't only directing this at Eren, but also to myself. It then occurred to me, that I had been following orders entirely. I may not have been acting like a soldier, or been honoured to join. But no matter how hard I had tried not to, I had grown to respect these people, even over this short while I have been here. It wasn't what I had expected from myself, I vowed to never submit, but here I was. Is this why Erwin trusts me? Because he knows that I had changed slightly? He couldn't have noticed such a small change. He must have, I didn't hide it the way I did with other things._

"Eren, the difference between your decision and ours is experience." Levi continued, knocking my thoughts away, "But you don't have to rely on that. Choose, believe in yourself, or believe in the Survey Corps and me. I don't know, I never have, I can believe in my own abilities or the choices in the companions I trust, but no one ever knows how it will turn out. So choose for yourself whichever decision you'll regret least" His words were serious, and I could tell Levi meant them with every bone in his body.

There was silence, apart from the titan and the support team. I felt the tension of Eren weighing his options, and I felt a pain in my chest when he raised his thumb to his mouth.

"Eren!" Petra begged, "Have faith!"

I couldn't help but take the words in myself, I was being selfish by thinking like this in such a desperate and vulnerable situation. I could see Eren's mind racing with thoughts, desperately looking for an answer.

"Eren! You're taking too long! Decide!" Levi yelled, his brow furrowing.

"I'll go forward," his voice echoed throughout the forest, he flinched as he heard a soldier die behind him. Eren had made his choice, to believe in not himself but the Survey Corps. I needed to make mine, my eyes widened as I finally put the pieces together.

 _This is what Erwin is testing me on, which decision I make. Whether I believe in myself, and do things my way or even run from this, or whether I believe in the Survey Corps, whether I pledge my life to this. He couldn't have known this was to happen, he must be awaiting my response, whether I say it myself, whether my actions say it or even if my eyes say it. I already knew my decision, I knew it as soon as I was captured, as soon as I saw the photo of Isabel, as soon as I began to find respect for people. I am a feather on wings of freedom, no longer a lone wolf hunting. I am a member of the survey corps, whether my past tells me to run or not._

I heard the speed of the female titan increase behind me, the thumping growing louder. It would soon become impossible to outrun it, its speed picking up impressively well.

"Target is accelerating!" Eld warned, still confident.

"Go!" Levi ordered.

"We will outrun it!" Gunther added, taking strength from his own words. The optimism was astounding from them, even without them knowing what was happening. It's all the trust, the trust they have in each other and Levi. I knew what was coming, from the amount of time we had been riding, the trap would be coming up soon.

The titan was stopped in its tracks, the squad gasping from surprise. I felt a pang of relief string over me, and I knew Levi could feel it too.

"Fire!" I had heard Erwin yell, as the wires shot out at the titan at top speed. The titan was outsmarted, trapped flawlessly. The dust arose from the impact, as we kept riding further past. Eren was gaping, the word surprise could not cover the expression on his face.

"Advance a bit farther, tether the horses, and switch to Maneuver Gear. You guys will be on your own for a while. Eldo, lead the squad," he turned to face them, "Once you're a good distance away from the titan, hide Eren. Take mine and (y/n)'s horses, she will be coming with me." He nodded towards me, and with that I lept off, my wire attaching to a tree, landing before taking off again after Levi.

"I take it you made your choice as well, then," Levi commented, catching me off guard. _So he didn't just direct it to Eren then._

"How did you know?" I asked.

"I had to make the same decision;" he replied plainly, "I wondered as to whether you were finally going to submit, if that brat Jaeger can."

"Would I really be standing here if I hadn't?" I asked him, entirely serious.

He clicked his tongue as we moved our way through the trees towards Erwin.


	8. Chapter 8: The Special Operations Squad

**Hallo, hope you enjoy this chapter, I tried to put Levi stuff in. I failed *hangs head in shame***

 **Levi is probably OCC somewhere, well.**

 **Warning: Quite a lot of swearing in this one xDPlease comment what you think and/or vote if you enjoyed c:**

 **There's a sad video attached *cries***

"Looks like its stopped moving," Levi spoke, observing the titan trapped before us.

"We can't lower our guard. But you did well, leading it here, both of you," Erwin replied, acknowledging me.

"Men in the rear-guard squads died buying us the time we needed. We couldn't have done it without them," his comment didn't surprise me; he had always had a thing about deaths.

"Is that so?" Erwin's face was blank, but I could smell the same scent of guilt inside him.

"It is, thanks to them, we'll be able to see who's inside this thing. I hope they haven't pissed themselves."

I stared at the titan, taking time to observe its features. It had blonde shoulder length hair, what looked to be blue eyes and red and pink skin. It was quite fascinating, when you take away the fear that came with it. Levi took out both of his blades, not hesitating to show the anger he had for the beast in his eyes.

"Wait Levi," Erwin instructed, "An eye for an eye, Waves 2 and 3, fire! Fire the spare rounds" The arrow wires began shooting again, piercing the titan from every direction with heaps of them at once.

I watched as Levi and Mike tried the best they could to get whoever was inside the titan out. But whenever they tried to slice the nape of its neck, the titan's hand turned into a somewhat diamond substance, hardening its skin and breaking their swords _. It's intelligent, extremely intelligent._ Erwin called on a soldier, one immediately coming to his request.

"Prepare the explosives. Blow off its hands," I shifted my gaze to him, seeing he was entirely sincere in his order.

"Yes sir," the soldier replied, pausing with hesitation, "But there's a chance that the amount we carry has enough firepower to also blow up what's inside."

"Then set them to amputate the wrists. Set them all off at once at my signal," He said, while jumping down off the tree to a better position to show the signal. The soldiers began setting up, and I noticed Levi standing on top of the titan, speaking. I moved closer to hear what he was saying. If it wasn't such a vulnerable situation, I could have laughed at how tiny he looked on the gigantic form.

"Hey, why not just come out? We don't have time to waste," he noticed me watching him, but continued anyway, "So, what do you think will happen to you know? Do you believe that you can escape? I wish you'd consider all the trouble we're going through. As I recall, you killed my troops in various ways. Did you find it fun? Right now, I'm having fun. Well, so are you, right? I think you can understand me. Oh right, I wanted to ask you something. Is it okay if we cut off your hands and legs? They'll grow back right? I'm talking about your limbs, not the titan's. We need you alive, after all."

I noticed movement stirring in the titan's eye, rage.

"Levi, get off her!" I yelled to him, as the titan's moves became stronger his eyes widened slightly. The titan let out a deafening roar, causing myself and everyone around to cover their ears, the strength of it causing the wind to change dramatically.

It stopped its dramatic cry, letting Levi speak, "Well, that was a surprise."

"And that was an understatement," I growled at him, angry at him for some reason I couldn't muster the reason to.

"Where those her dying screams?" I heard Mike ask from below me, he flew up with his gear next to Erwin, "Erwin, it stinks."

Because you can always count on Mike's smelling capabilities.

"Which direction?" Erwin questioned, his gaze furrowing.

"Multiple sources, from all directions at once," I put the pieces together fast, hearing the thumps of titans rushing my thought processes.

"That scream, titans," I murmured, fully aware that Levi heard me. He looked up, and I could tell he knew to, the sound of titans grew nearer.

"Ready the explosives, now!" Erwin commanded, pulling his sword out as he did so.

"Erwin, the first wave will come from the east. They're almost here," Mike confirmed his eyes dark and focused.

"Cart guard team, intercept!" Erwin yelled, the team flew towards them with good speed preparing to engage in battle. But something wasn't right, the titans ran past them, barely regarding their existence. Erwin stood with a dumbstruck look upon his features.

"Three are breaking through!" A soldier yelled, desperate for a saviour. _They want the titan._

I noticed Levi still standing atop of the female titan, my stomach clenched, "Captain Levi!" the same soldier yelled in warning.

"You just did something didn't you, bitch?" Levi muttered, staring daggers at the titan. _Giving the titan your famous glare isn't going to do shit, Levi._ He started stomping his foot on its head, the golden hair staying in place despite his touch. _Neither is throwing a tantrum._ I jumped off with my gear, straight towards the titans fluctuating towards the female. I saw Levi take out three in the corner of my eye, while I sliced a couple myself. Not merely satisfied, I took out more coming in, barely noticing the others flowing in from various other directions.

"Titans from all directions!" I heard someone yell in defeat, I looked around me, realising the events taking place. _I need to pay more attention._ I noticed the titans beginning to feast on the female titan, disgusting.

"All men engage. Defend the Female titan, even if it means your lives!" Erwin commanded, and with that I continued. Beating down whatever titan I could get my hands on, although it took a toll. I let my anger burn through me, cutting as many necks as I could. I noticed I hadn't cut one deep enough, and went in for a second hit. _It never takes me more than once,_ I questioned.

"Retreat, men!" Erwin declared, leaving me hanging in shock. _He doesn't want any more death on his hands._ "Back to original formation! Return to Karanes!" The struggle welled deep in his eyes, full of trouble and anxiety.

We all stood on branches, some collapsed from exhaustion while others panted. I felt weakness enter my knees, a weakness I hadn't felt before. _Erwin was right, what I'm used to is somewhat controlled. This is different; this is uncontrollable and fucking dreadful._ The titans continued to bite on the female titans flesh, eating whatever hope we had for this expedition.

"We've been had," Erwin spoke, shuddering lightly. I flew over to him weakly, knowing he noticed my lack of strength.

"Just look at you, don't tell me," Levi was bent over, rising as he spoke.

"The enemy was willing to sacrifice everything," he spoke regrettably, staring at the monstrosity in front of him, "I didn't expect the enemy to destroy itself along with the evidence by making titans devour itself."

"All our talk at the court martial, and this is what happens. If we return empty handed, who knows what will happen to Eren or us," he looked more tired than usually, but spoke with the same ferocity he usually had.

"We can think about that after we return. Our priority now is getting home without additional casualties. For now," He seemed more tormented then anything, the words barely making it out of his mouth

"Commander," I spoke softly but clear, saying commander without sarcasm for the first time as well as speaking to him for the first time since the beginning of the expedition. He looked up, giving me the signal to continue, "I find it hard to believe that the female titan would go through all the trouble of trying to capture Eren just to sacrifice itself. It had to have known what its scream does, therefor must've had a plan to escape when it's used. I believe the spy is still alive, whether still inside the titan or roaming the forest as I speak."

"I've considered this, but as of right now it doesn't matter. I understand where you are coming from, but we cannot go off suspicion. This expedition has become enough of a failure already, we need to ensure no further casualties and make it back safely. We will devise a plan when returned," he stated, I followed his response with a nod.

"I'll call my team," Levi made a move to leave, but stopped as Erwin spoke an order.

"Wait Levi, Refill your gas and blades. You as well (y/n)"

"There isn't time, I think I have plenty. Why?" Levi argued, questioning him. _You're wasting time arguing with him, dumbass._

"That's an order, follow it," I began to lower myself from the tree to do as he asked, hearing Levi's response as I did so.

"Roger, Erwin. I trust your decision," I noticed the blue flares fly in the air, the signal to retreat.

"I don't trust this," I spoke to him, as we made our way to refill.

"You've made your choice, you must trust his command whether you like it or not," he spat it at me, irritated at my lack of respect. I glared at him, now was not the time for Levi to speak that way to me. I was exhausted, but I was never too tired to yell. I stepped in front of him, pushing my hand out to stop him.

"You may be my superior, but in case you haven't noticed I'm also your comrade and even more in the past even though you are so disgusted by it you chose to forget. But I am your comrade, and I will not let you speak to me like nothing but dirt on your shoe, others might stand for it, but I sure as hell fucking wont," It was quite possibly the worst time to pick a fight with him, other priorities clearly existent.

"In case _you_ haven't noticed fucking brat we are in the middle of an expedition, my priorities don't include fixing your childish complaints so why don't you focus on the task at hand," we had begun to refill, and I decided not to reply to him. Knowing that ignoring him would be the best thing to do, before getting too riled up. I needed to pound a fist in his condescending face, permanently damaging it, but this wasn't the best time. Erwin and the others had already ridden off, letting us fall behind at our own speed while we refill. _It was defiantly a waste of time._

We began making our way back to HQ, a comforting silence accompanying us. Soon enough, we heard a roar of yet another titan. _God dammit, Eren_.

"That voice, it couldn't be..." Levi trailed off, leaving me to pick up the ending.

"Fucking hell," was all I could muster as we turned around, flying in the other direction hurriedly. I could hear various sounds in the distance, although they were muffled.

We were making our way through the trees when a flash of red caught my eye. Gunther was hanging upside down from his wire, dead. Eld laid on the floor ripped in half, dead. Oluo was faced down on the ground, a pool of blood surrounding him, dead. Then Petra, her body pushed up against a tree with blood stained across her face, dead.

No words could fathom the rage that crept its way through my body, infecting me like a virus. What really tipped it over the edge was _him._ He had seen the exact same as I, yet he had nothing but a bored expression, no pain, no nothing, just the same furrowed brow he always wore. Even I was on the verge of tears, meaningless tears. These people, these comrades, these _friends._ I had seen numerous people die, and they may take up the same space in the world as them, but they didn't take the same place in me. I respected them, I had never respected people so easily or so quick, other than them. And that bitch, that fucking bitch killed them. I stared down at Eld, my face burning, inflamed. Not Eld, not fucking Eld. I kneeled down beside him, looking at his torn up body. Why did I listen to Erwin, if I had followed my own instincts, this never would have happened. I wanted desperately to blame it on Erwin, but all the guilt I felt, was placed onto my shoulders. No, it's that bitches fault, that titan-shifting traitorous bitch. It was that moment that I didn't care if Levi saw weakness in me, I raised my hand to Eld's cheek, stroking it gently and lowering my head to his chest weakly.

"Goodbye," I whispered it to not only him, but to all of them, hoping my words would travel to them all. I felt a tug on my arm, turning me to face Levi. I could feel the water daring to come out at my eyes, but I pushed them back, refusing to do something so pointless. I let something I had become familiar with encase me, violent rage.

"You don't have to fix my childish fucking complaints, remember," I screamed at him, almost feeling steam radiate off me. I leapt off with all the power I had, scanning the forest as I did so. He was beside me; I tried my best to ignore the resentment in his looks towards me. Rage still pulsating, I moved through the forest in top speed, the air hitting my face giving me a few seconds of relief from the pain itching its way into my mind.

I needed to get there, I needed to kill her. We were close, I could feel it. I noticed the sounds had stopped, which could only mean one thing, one of them won. Judging by the girl desperately hitting the female titan in fury, she had gotten Eren, or worse. The girl was talented, enough to get the titan on its knees, only to have a broken sword from the hardened skin. She stood against a tree, seeming to be talking to herself in rage. S _he's wasting time._ The titan hit for her on the tree then continued running. The girl shouted after her, about to leap off until Levi grabbed her.

"Fall back for now," he told her, letting her go. I maintained a good distance in front of him, tempted to run after the titan-shifter with all my might, "Maintain this distance. (y/n)."

"(Y/N)!" he yelled at me, forcing me to turn.

"WHAT?!" I screamed, not in the mood to follow orders.

"Listen to me for once would you, you're going to get yourself killed."

"As long as I take her down with me," I snarled, clearly.

"Fall back for now," he said again, firmly. I complied, knowing that our best chance was to strike it together.

"It might be tired. It does not appear to be going very fast," he stated, he shifted his gaze to the raven haired girl, who had more fury and fear then I could imagine in someone that young, "He seems to have been bitten right out of the neck. Is Eren dead?"

Her gaze intensified at the sound of Eren's name, "He's alive. The target appears intelligent, and its goal seems to be capturing Eren. If it wanted him dead, it would've crushed him. The target is fighting to escape after going through the trouble of putting him in its mouth."

"Its goal may have been to eat Eren. In that case, he's in its stomach. It's more reasonable to assume that he's dead."

"He's alive," her eyes were filled with unmoveable determination.

"I hope your right," he looked over to me, most likely to check that I wasn't doing something stupid. None of my anger hadn't faded of course; the rage was burning my blood, boiling it.

"If you'd only protected Eren, this wouldn't have happened!" She didn't just look at him, but she looked at me too, endless hatred forming in her eyes.

Levi's eyes widened significantly, as he looked to be recognising her, "I see, you're the one from back then. Eren's close friend?" her eyes widening gave him his answer, "We'll limit ourselves to one goal. First, give up on killing the female titan."

"Like fucking hell that's going to happen," I growled, my eyes burning into his.

"It killed many of our comrades," the girl yelled, her eyes meeting mine as I noticed a flicker of regard through her pained expression.

"As long as it can harden its skin, we can't kill it. Do as I say," he motioned for both of us, "We'll pin our hopes on Eren still being alive, and rescue him before it leaves this forest. I will tear away at it. You both draw its attention."

Me and the girl rushed forward at even timing, she went right while I flew left and we crossed each other. I sliced at its legs, slowing it enough for it to be an inconvenience. The girl glided along, although her attempts at distraction were to no avail. The titan turned on its heel, aiming to punch Levi. He looked as though he had been expecting this, as he spun around with his blades, slicing up its arm with almost inhuman speed. He jumped at it, pushing both of his blades into its eyes. He then cut throughout it, working his way around it with the same gigantic amount of speed; I heard the girl gasp. I already knew what Levi was doing before he started. I leapt at the titan, feeling that rage bubble inside of me; I cut constantly at it, working at the parts Levi left. The titan fell to the ground, Levi not slowing his pace continued to cut at it, not letting himself stop. I cut at the titans arms, beginning to forget the main goal. The titan's arms fell down, causing the girl to head towards it, feeling that was the best opportunity to kill it. She began to go for the neck, hurdling at it with all the power she had.

"Stop!" Levi yelled, he landed on the titans hand and I heard a crack, Levi winced in pain but continued to slash at the titan's mouth, eventually opening to reveal Eren.

"Eren!" the girl yelled, Levi grabbed Eren out of the mouth and jumped from it, landing on a branch.

"We're getting out of here. I think he's okay, he's alive!" Levi yelled, angry with what the girl had attempted, "But filthy. Forget about it, We'll retreat. Don't lose sight of the core objective. Is it more important to get what you want? Isn't he an important friend?"

He started moving, the girl following him, clinging to the last word. It wasn't enough for me, I stood watching her, seeing the tear slide down her cheek. _You have no right to be crying, bitch._ Images of the squad invaded my mind, heat rushing back into my blood. I screamed, diving at the titan determined to show it the pain it had given me.

I hit at it, constantly. I didn't care if they had left, I didn't care if I couldn't kill her I just needed to do _something._ Anything, anything to respect them.

"You killed them! You fucking titan-shifting bitch," there was steam rising from me, two of my blades broken at her hardened skin, "You're a coward, what happens when your hardened skin can't defend you? I'll kill you, they might give up that easily but I won't."

I could feel the exhaustion begging me for release, while my mind was screaming at me to kill her.

" _Protect Eren at all costs, that's all that matters," Erwin, Erwin's voice was always the one to plague my thoughts._

" _You're not as cold as you think you are," Eld had said this to me, before everything._

Before **her**.

I began screaming again, my eyes filled with fiery desire to kill as I sped towards her neck at alarming speeds. I need to do it, she deserves to die.

Yet I was here, watching her get smaller and smaller. I felt arms wrapped around my waist before I saw them, and I could hardly process anything due to the rage that was left with nothing to burn it with. I was right there; I was going to kill her. But he stopped me, I looked up at him, to my surprise he was watching me, unsure as to how I'd react.

"You were going to get yourself killed," he spoke angrily, impatience in his undignified tone. Pain washed over me, splintering through me when it finally got the chance. It wasn't mental pain, it was physical. I winced at Levi's arm on my ribcage, feeling agony where I hadn't before, "You're injured," he noticed my wincing, and his eyes were replaced with concern.

"I'm fine, let go of me I can go on myself," I was being stubborn, but I didn't need his condescendence right now.

"No, you can't. You're exhausted as well as injured, being a complete idiot and trying to kill it was extremely foolish."

"I could have killed her," I whispered, saying what I thought was the truth.

"You would have died," he loosened his grip on my rib cage, giving me some sort of relief.

"I would have died for them."

"No, you would have died in vain for them. They just lost their lives, and you're just going to throw yours away. How selfish can you be?" He was irritated, which made me smirk internally despite my current state.

"Why do you even care...?" I trailed off, my voice unable to maintain a sentence apparently.

"Because I do, isn't that enough for you to know?" his voice seemed uncertain, realizing that I wanted answers, and once again I had picked possibly the worst time to get them. My bones were aching, but I allowed myself to move. I shifted uncomfortably, trying to free myself, "You aren't fucking well enough brat, stop being stubborn."

I wasn't going to take no for an answer, so I continued to squirm, making it difficult for him to maintain his composure. He landed on a branch, steadying me as he did so. I noticed the girl had stopped as well, waiting. I gave Levi the most serious stare I could find, trying not to wince. He sighed, knowing he wasn't going to win and made sure the equipment was alright. I made my way through the forest on my own, the pain was excruciating. But it was better than being in his arms, feeling everything I had back then. Physical pain is always better than emotional pain.

When we make it back to HQ, I'm going to get my answers from that fucking short ass.


	9. Chapter 9: Game On

**I think its short :/ Sorry if it is...**

 **I also apologise if there are spelling mistakes, I've honestly gotten so lazy when it comes to proofreading. Mostly because I don't want to read the shitty chapter I wrote.**

 **I dun even know what I did in this chapter, I feel like it's going around in circles a lil' bit.**

 **Anyways, please vote and/or comment if you enjoyed reading or want to give your opinion!**

Video attached, *sniffles*

When I had gotten out of the infirmary, I was more broken than when I had entered, the time did me no good. Something about these people, something about that squad had changed something in me, and now that they were gone…

I would usually get over it, move on and respect them by continuing, but I couldn't get the thought of them out of my mind. The way they had died, it wasn't worth it. The titan was still out there, they had died pointlessly. I could feel the tears holding themselves back, I wasn't a crier, I was a puncher. So when I got back to my room, that's exactly what I did, punch. I hit anything I could get my hands on, eventually just hitting the wall continually. They were all outside, the noise didn't matter, _nothing_ mattered.

All people did was die, and what for, we hadn't come any closer to winning this fucking war.

My hands were bleeding by the time I noticed it, the envelope sitting on the floor, next to the toppled over table that had been victim to my rage. All I had managed to see was red, a result of the blinding rage that echoed in waves in my body. The letter had my name scribbled upon it, the text looking as though it had been written in a rush.

 _(Y/N),_

I'm hoping that you will find this before the expedition, but if you don't, there is always after right? I know it's stupid for me to think I'll make it back, as I cannot be entirely sure. I decided to write this, telling you the words you need to hear.

I can see the wall you put up, barricading you from everyone, the charade you take part in. I would usually let this be, but you need to understand. I see you smiling, when everyone else is distracted, I see the worry in your eyes when someone is hurt and I can see the way you care for everyone here, despite the short time you have been here.

You are a part of this squad, and you have become a part of me.

Don't change who you are, but don't hide it either. It's okay to let go once in a while, you may be alive, but from what I've seen, you aren't truly living. You aren't alone anymore, so stop trying to be.

If I don't make it back, then I hope it gives you more of a reason to value what I've said.

If I do, I hope to see it myself.

 _Eld._

That was when not even the gods could have held back my tears, they came out like rivers, unleashing years of unshed tears. I dropped to the floor, my limbs unable to hold me up anymore. He haunted me even after death.

My legs ached, and a burning sensation rose from my stomach, the bandages not doing much good. I was supposed to be outside, learning of new information. But how could I, I am weak, every thought I had about myself being strong, was diminished as the tears dripped on to the floor. I didn't care when the door opened, I didn't care when I heard the steps enter my room, I didn't care when I heard his voice.

"Brat, we need to leave…" he trailed off when he saw the heap on the floor, the uncontrollable sobbing mess that was me. Even he had only seen me cry twice, despite the years he had known me. I always kept my feelings in check, and when they weren't, I made sure I hid it from _him._

"I'll be out in a minute, Corporal," I managed to say between sobs, my voice breaking. He just continued to look at me, looking as though he was debating what he should do. I tried to compose myself, but to no amend as I continued to whimper. To my surprise, he bent down, looking straight into my eyes. For a minute, I swear I saw his hard gaze soften; I looked down from him back to the letter, somewhat ashamed. He noticed me looking at it, and grabbed it before I could retaliate. I watched him flick through the words, his eyes widening slightly at the end. Another tear managed to escape my eye, and without a second thought, he raised his hand to wipe it off. His hand was cold against my skin, sending a shiver throughout my body. He quickly realised what he was doing and snapped his hand back, his composure completely intact. "There's no point in what you're doing, he wouldn't want you to be like this."

From the words he said, it sounded as though he cared, but when I looked up at him, his expression said otherwise. I got up, wiping the tears that stained my cheeks and straightened out my uniform, while wiping off the somewhat invisible dust that resided on it. His words hadn't changed anything, I was still breaking, but I wasn't going to lie in a mess on the floor any longer. He looked surprise at my movement, and nodded at me.

"I'm sorry, he must have meant something to you" my eyes widened at his words, as I looked at him with a dumfounded expression, he didn't give me a chance to reply, "We are meeting with Erwin, come when you're ready," he spoke before walking out, leaving me confused. I stood in place for a moment, glued to the floor. I didn't want to think much of what had just happened,

 _He must have meant something to you,_ the words burned inside my brain. _He didn't think… No, he doesn't even care, he has more important things to do, and so do I._ Despite the truth in my thoughts, I couldn't help but think of just falling back to the floor pathetically. I walked outside my door, trying to leave the events that occurred behind me, although I knew that was naïve.

I made my way to Erwin's office, noticing the depressed expressions splattered over various soldiers that I passed. Many of them gave me glances, some of disgust and some of curiosity, I ignored them. They didn't know _anything._ I didn't bother to knock and just stormed in, seeing Levi leaning against a wall, as that seemed to be the only real place for him and Erwin situated at his desk, like always. I could almost imagine this day like any other, everything normal with Erwin swamped with paperwork and Levi looking boredly out the window. I went and sat down on one of the chairs opposite Erwin, not hiding my furious glare. I didn't blame him, but it felt good to direct the anger.

He looked up at me, looking longer than he usually did and with more sympathy than usual. I knew I must have looked like shit, I could feel where the marks of tears still resided and my eyes still sore.

"Y/N, glad you could join us," he greeted, trying to put on whatever smile he could muster.

"Screw the formality bullshit and just tell me the next move," I didn't plan on being so rude to him, I respected him for what he had to deal with, being a commander.

"I know you're angry, but I'm hoping your emotions won't get in the way."

 _Angry doesn't even begin to describeit,_

"I'm gathering by the pathetic sympathy in your eyes you know about the outburst I had with the female titan. It won't happen again, if that's what you're asking," I would try to keep to the words I had just spoken; I couldn't afford to be reckless in a world such as this. Who am I kidding? With the current state I'm in I could rip his head off right now.

 _You are a part of this squad, and you have become a part of me._ If I just couldn't have found it, just left before and not come back, I wouldn't be hurting as much as I was.

"I'm not sure your words are truthful, (y/n). There just seem to be numerous distractions for a soldier such as yourself," he looked doubtful, and I became slightly confused, _numerous?_

"I'm afraid I don't know what distractions you are referring to, Commander."

"Considering your recklessness with the female titan due to some unfortunate deaths," I could have sworn I saw Levi flinch at the word unfortunate, "and the past you have with Levi, I have become worried with these things clouding your judgement."

 _Shit._

He knows? Nah fucking duh, he's the commander.

"I understand where you're coming from, but I am hardly ever reckless let alone susceptible to my judgement being clouded. I believe this was proven for the complete and utter disregard for me and the corporals past which I don't acknowledge. I am short-tempered, and although this may be considered reckless on some standpoint, it is nothing of the such, you knew of this when you brought me here. My temper was blown due to the "unfortunate deaths" you so kindly spoke of. And I mean my words when I say **, it will not happen again**."

Levi turned to me, his expression unreadable. I wondered as to whether he had told Erwin of the confrontations we had encountered in from time to time, judging by the smirk that played on the tip of his lips I guessed not. I could tell he noticed the strain in my voice when I referred to him. I looked at his hands, which where boldly crossed along with his arms against his chest, while he leaned on the wall casually. The feeling of his hands on my skin rose again, chills vibrating through my body. _Why am I thinking of that?_

I was so engrossed in the memory, I hadn't noticed Erwin trying to gain my attention. I turned my eyes back to him, fully aware of the full grown smirk that appeared on Levi's lips, hidden from Erwin while perfectly viewed by me. He had a way of turning anything I felt into anger, and considering the depressed predicament I was in, I was happy to take anger as solitude.

Anger seemed like the best medicine and he was surely bringing it out in me.

Oh, game on.

 _ **OooOOO sure this is anger reader-chan, or maybe it's just to hawtttt xD**_

Damn you reader character with ya damn anger issues….

I forgot to mention that I'm taking requests for what you'd like to see happen in the story, I have a few ideas myself, but I would love to know what you guys want to see!

C:


	10. Chapter 10: Every Inch

**I think its short :/ Sorry if it is...**

 **I also apologise if there are spelling mistakes, I've honestly gotten so lazy when it comes to proofreading. Mostly because I don't want to read the shitty chapter I wrote.**

 **I dun even know what I did in this chapter, I feel like it's going around in circles a lil' bit.**

 **Anyways, please vote and/or comment if you enjoyed reading or want to give your opinion!**

Video attached, *sniffles*

When I had gotten out of the infirmary, I was more broken than when I had entered, the time did me no good. Something about these people, something about that squad had changed something in me, and now that they were gone…

I would usually get over it, move on and respect them by continuing, but I couldn't get the thought of them out of my mind. The way they had died, it wasn't worth it. The titan was still out there, they had died pointlessly. I could feel the tears holding themselves back, I wasn't a crier, I was a puncher. So when I got back to my room, that's exactly what I did, punch. I hit anything I could get my hands on, eventually just hitting the wall continually. They were all outside, the noise didn't matter, _nothing_ mattered.

All people did was die, and what for, we hadn't come any closer to winning this fucking war.

My hands were bleeding by the time I noticed it, the envelope sitting on the floor, next to the toppled over table that had been victim to my rage. All I had managed to see was red, a result of the blinding rage that echoed in waves in my body. The letter had my name scribbled upon it, the text looking as though it had been written in a rush.

 _(Y/N),_

I'm hoping that you will find this before the expedition, but if you don't, there is always after right? I know it's stupid for me to think I'll make it back, as I cannot be entirely sure. I decided to write this, telling you the words you need to hear.

I can see the wall you put up, barricading you from everyone, the charade you take part in. I would usually let this be, but you need to understand. I see you smiling, when everyone else is distracted, I see the worry in your eyes when someone is hurt and I can see the way you care for everyone here, despite the short time you have been here.

You are a part of this squad, and you have become a part of me.

Don't change who you are, but don't hide it either. It's okay to let go once in a while, you may be alive, but from what I've seen, you aren't truly living. You aren't alone anymore, so stop trying to be.

If I don't make it back, then I hope it gives you more of a reason to value what I've said.

If I do, I hope to see it myself.

 _Eld._

That was when not even the gods could have held back my tears, they came out like rivers, unleashing years of unshed tears. I dropped to the floor, my limbs unable to hold me up anymore. He haunted me even after death.

My legs ached, and a burning sensation rose from my stomach, the bandages not doing much good. I was supposed to be outside, learning of new information. But how could I, I am weak, every thought I had about myself being strong, was diminished as the tears dripped on to the floor. I didn't care when the door opened, I didn't care when I heard the steps enter my room, I didn't care when I heard his voice.

"Brat, we need to leave…" he trailed off when he saw the heap on the floor, the uncontrollable sobbing mess that was me. Even he had only seen me cry twice, despite the years he had known me. I always kept my feelings in check, and when they weren't, I made sure I hid it from _him._

"I'll be out in a minute, Corporal," I managed to say between sobs, my voice breaking. He just continued to look at me, looking as though he was debating what he should do. I tried to compose myself, but to no amend as I continued to whimper. To my surprise, he bent down, looking straight into my eyes. For a minute, I swear I saw his hard gaze soften; I looked down from him back to the letter, somewhat ashamed. He noticed me looking at it, and grabbed it before I could retaliate. I watched him flick through the words, his eyes widening slightly at the end. Another tear managed to escape my eye, and without a second thought, he raised his hand to wipe it off. His hand was cold against my skin, sending a shiver throughout my body. He quickly realised what he was doing and snapped his hand back, his composure completely intact. "There's no point in what you're doing, he wouldn't want you to be like this."

From the words he said, it sounded as though he cared, but when I looked up at him, his expression said otherwise. I got up, wiping the tears that stained my cheeks and straightened out my uniform, while wiping off the somewhat invisible dust that resided on it. His words hadn't changed anything, I was still breaking, but I wasn't going to lie in a mess on the floor any longer. He looked surprise at my movement, and nodded at me.

"I'm sorry, he must have meant something to you" my eyes widened at his words, as I looked at him with a dumfounded expression, he didn't give me a chance to reply, "We are meeting with Erwin, come when you're ready," he spoke before walking out, leaving me confused. I stood in place for a moment, glued to the floor. I didn't want to think much of what had just happened,

 _He must have meant something to you,_ the words burned inside my brain. _He didn't think… No, he doesn't even care, he has more important things to do, and so do I._ Despite the truth in my thoughts, I couldn't help but think of just falling back to the floor pathetically. I walked outside my door, trying to leave the events that occurred behind me, although I knew that was naïve.

I made my way to Erwin's office, noticing the depressed expressions splattered over various soldiers that I passed. Many of them gave me glances, some of disgust and some of curiosity, I ignored them. They didn't know _anything._ I didn't bother to knock and just stormed in, seeing Levi leaning against a wall, as that seemed to be the only real place for him and Erwin situated at his desk, like always. I could almost imagine this day like any other, everything normal with Erwin swamped with paperwork and Levi looking boredly out the window. I went and sat down on one of the chairs opposite Erwin, not hiding my furious glare. I didn't blame him, but it felt good to direct the anger.

He looked up at me, looking longer than he usually did and with more sympathy than usual. I knew I must have looked like shit, I could feel where the marks of tears still resided and my eyes still sore.

"Y/N, glad you could join us," he greeted, trying to put on whatever smile he could muster.

"Screw the formality bullshit and just tell me the next move," I didn't plan on being so rude to him, I respected him for what he had to deal with, being a commander.

"I know you're angry, but I'm hoping your emotions won't get in the way."

 _Angry doesn't even begin to describeit,_

"I'm gathering by the pathetic sympathy in your eyes you know about the outburst I had with the female titan. It won't happen again, if that's what you're asking," I would try to keep to the words I had just spoken; I couldn't afford to be reckless in a world such as this. Who am I kidding? With the current state I'm in I could rip his head off right now.

 _You are a part of this squad, and you have become a part of me._ If I just couldn't have found it, just left before and not come back, I wouldn't be hurting as much as I was.

"I'm not sure your words are truthful, (y/n). There just seem to be numerous distractions for a soldier such as yourself," he looked doubtful, and I became slightly confused, _numerous?_

"I'm afraid I don't know what distractions you are referring to, Commander."

"Considering your recklessness with the female titan due to some unfortunate deaths," I could have sworn I saw Levi flinch at the word unfortunate, "and the past you have with Levi, I have become worried with these things clouding your judgement."

 _Shit._

He knows? Nah fucking duh, he's the commander.

"I understand where you're coming from, but I am hardly ever reckless let alone susceptible to my judgement being clouded. I believe this was proven for the complete and utter disregard for me and the corporals past which I don't acknowledge. I am short-tempered, and although this may be considered reckless on some standpoint, it is nothing of the such, you knew of this when you brought me here. My temper was blown due to the "unfortunate deaths" you so kindly spoke of. And I mean my words when I say **, it will not happen again**."

Levi turned to me, his expression unreadable. I wondered as to whether he had told Erwin of the confrontations we had encountered in from time to time, judging by the smirk that played on the tip of his lips I guessed not. I could tell he noticed the strain in my voice when I referred to him. I looked at his hands, which where boldly crossed along with his arms against his chest, while he leaned on the wall casually. The feeling of his hands on my skin rose again, chills vibrating through my body. _Why am I thinking of that?_

I was so engrossed in the memory, I hadn't noticed Erwin trying to gain my attention. I turned my eyes back to him, fully aware of the full grown smirk that appeared on Levi's lips, hidden from Erwin while perfectly viewed by me. He had a way of turning anything I felt into anger, and considering the depressed predicament I was in, I was happy to take anger as solitude.

Anger seemed like the best medicine and he was surely bringing it out in me.

Oh, game on.

 _ **OooOOO sure this is anger reader-chan, or maybe it's just to hawtttt xD**_

Damn you reader character with ya damn anger issues….

I forgot to mention that I'm taking requests for what you'd like to see happen in the story, I have a few ideas myself, but I would love to know what you guys want to see!

C:


	11. Chapter 11: You Mean Nothing

**WARNING: LEMON**

XD YES THERE IS A LEMON IN THIS CHAPTER…

THERE WILL BE A WARNING BEFORE IT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ IT.

THE LEMON IS RATED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES, AS IT GETS PRETTY HEATED….

AND WELL, I GOT UNCOMFORTABLE WRITING IT XD

Apologies for any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes!

Please vote or comment if you enjoyed!

Thank you!

There was really no point in denying it, being back here disgusted him more than I had seen coming, and for once, part of me understood. It felt good to be above, to not live in the murderous streets of rats, although it really was the safest place for people like me, _outcasts._

But I didn't have the right to call myself that anymore did I?

An outcast wasn't an appropriate label for me anymore, although I hadn't succeeded much in fitting into my new surroundings. _You are a part of this squad, and you have become a part of me._ It had become a normal occurrence for that line to plague my thoughts, for it to drive me to a point of insanity I was afraid I wouldn't be able to turn back. But I had to turn, because no matter where I went, _he_ was there. Condescending me, laughing at me, glaring at me, he was _always_ there.

Especially now, as we took our first few steps back into the underground, doomed before we even began. I knew we were bound to be the subject of an attempt at robbery or murder, the way these streets worked, but nothing came. People walked out, surveyed us and then left, which worried me. If they knew who we were, then what was stopping Annie from knowing we were here? It was beginning to get suspicious, when I noticed a fairly auspicious criminal headed towards us with a good amount of stealth, if auspicious could even define him, he turned around when he observed us fully, and I noticed it wasn't only me that saw the strange behaviour. Even if he knew me, he would surely speak to me, being the sleaze he was.

Against my better judgement to wait for Levi's command, I jogged up to the man, not afraid of him as I knew all too well who he was and that he was the best chance for an answer. Levi on the other hand, looked cross, doesn't he always?

"Chet," I growled furiously, placing my hand in front of him to get him to stop. I didn't exactly get along with him, but we weren't enemies either. He was good company in what could be an overwhelming sense of loneliness, although I favoured that lifestyle. He glared at me intensely, his dark green orbs burning into my flesh casually. He had dark brown hair, which often run loose wild, but he now had tied back, letting few pieces hang out. I couldn't help but let a vague image of Eld appear in my mind, his appearance baring whatever resemblance I could find to Chet. He had a tense expression, although he was often a cheery guy, signalling the lack of sleep he must have endured.

"Didn't think you came down here anymore?" he spat, motioning over to Levi as he did so, "and who's this shorty, another member of your special Survey Corps?" that earned a snarl from Levi, and I could tell what he was planning, I motioned over to him just as Erwin did, my hand warning him. He got angrier at that, but accepted my silent request, to let me handle it.

I sighed, knowing all too well why Chetwas angry, although that didn't explain the strange behaviour of others. I hadn't said goodbye to him, and as much as he pretended he didn't care, he was one who couldn't hold emotions for long, so I knew it was only a matter of time. "Chet, I'm sorry," I got right to the point, knowing that if I engaged in useless chatter it would only aggravate the not so amused Levi currently about to burst in rage. _What's his problem?_ But I turned back to Chet, noticing the mass of emotions currently sweeping across his face.

I didn't want to apologise, and I could tell he knew that, "You don't have to fucking bore me with your pity, it's what you always wanted, to get out of here, and you finally did."

He knew all too well that wasn't true, I ran from them for a reason.

"Just accept my goddamn apology," I sighed at his stubbornness, because he would cave eventually and I didn't need time wasted, "I don't know what you expected from me, I was caught Chet. I was finally caught, and I'm a part of them now, as much as I hate to admit it. You can hate me for it, but we both know the respect that resides for each other. So stop being so stubborn, and help me out."

I couldn't help but glance at Levi, who was staring at me with, was that confusion? And within seconds it was gone, and the blank expression he was known all too well for came into vision once again. It was amusing to see how touchy his expressions were, you saw one thing you weren't supposed to and it would be changed back in lightning speed. Chet's eyes lightened, seeing the sincerity in my words. The first time he had heard these kinds of words spoken from my mouth, just showing what the time with the survey corps had really done to me. It made me feel _weak._

"What do you need?" I smirked internally, could _always_ count on him, even when he hated me. I let the smirk arise to the surface, it tugging at my lips. I noticed Levi shoot me a glare of warning, a look of if-you-tell-him-anything-i-will-personally-kill-you. I ignored it.

"A couple things," he sighed, rolling his eyes, "Why has every criminal in the area simply turned their backs on us?" he rolled his eyes again at this as I spoke.

"Apart from the fact that everyone down here knows who you are, and wouldn't dare go near you?" he asked, taunting me, he then pointed over at Levi, "It's him, even though we live in the underground, we still know who he is."

Levi stiffened, allowing me to see a flicker of vulnerability, "All the talk about the Survey Crops members down here, you'd think they'd happily take the chance to jump one. That defeats the purpose of walking away," I questioned him, sending him a questioning look to pair with it.

"The fact of happily killing a member of the organisation is entirely true, not him though," he glared at Levi, with an expression I couldn't fathom; he probably sensed the dickhead vibe that radiated off Levi, "Not humanities strongest soldier," he spat, disgusted.

I knew Levi would be riled up, ready to beat what he thought was sense into him. He stormed towards him, his brow furrowing further than usual. I held my hand in front of him, making contact with his well-toned chest, hearing a snort from Chet.

"I know under any other circumstances, you wouldn't care what I have to say and beat him to a pulp," I whispered to him, so only he could hear, "But right now, can you please trust me?"

His jaw clenched, obviously not happy with my proposition, but to my surprise, he nodded and stepped aside, the anger not fading from his steely grey eyes.

"Do you know why we are here?" I asked him, generally worried. Levi's gaze hardened, if that was even possible.

"I can take a guess, only because I've been up recently," that surprised me, he never left this place, he noticed the shock in me, "I was worried about you, if you want to know why."

That managed to shock me even more, he was always there, but I never thought I had him. I shouldn't have been surprised at his honesty; he always spoke the truth after all.

He continued before I could speak, "Something to do with the titan-shifter, I presume. The rumours have been circulating down here, and it won't take long for them to circulate about you both as well. You shouldn't have been so stupid as to believe we wouldn't know you, even you," he pointed at Levi.

He was right, and I couldn't believe that Levi had overlooked this. I looked over at Levi, who was acting strangely, there was something he was doing, the way he stood, the way his glare wasn't the same as always, even the way he spoke. Being down here was messing with him more than I could have imagined.

"So be it, if she knows it gives her more of a reason to run, which leads to sloppiness, which leads to finding her," I couldn't tell if that's what he honestly thought, or if he was just trying to cover up his mistake. By the way he was looking at me; I wondered whether it was even a mistake, or whether it was what he had planned. So many questions, so little breath to ask them.

Chet laughed at him, not afraid of his death glare, this made him angrier, "Do you have any ideas to where she is?" I asked before something could happen.

"No, but if she is down here, I doubt she'll be hiding this close up, if she's smart she'd be hiding in the furthest parts of the underground, if she's not dead already," he scowled again, becoming what seems to be a permanent fixture of him.

I moved closer to him, and began to whisper, "If you could get rid of what rumours you can I'd greatly appreciate it. And if you find some information, contact me." I don't know why I didn't want Levi to hear it, probably because he'd stab me for telling someone in the underground to "contact me". He nodded, allowing a familiar smile to etch across his lips. He wasn't used to me being civilized; let alone asking him for help.

"Watch out for that guy, my gut instinct is never wrong," I mentally laughed at him, as he nodded over to Levi. Always thought he was some kind of psychic, which at times really pissed me off, doesn't everything? He was never wrong, which pissed me off even more.

"What's your problem?" I asked Levi, as we walked across the streets that shuddered with screams, far away from Chet. He ignored me, but clenched his hand, his fist wound into a ball.

"Does being down here disgust you that much?" I spat, suddenly angry.

"I don't know whether that's a serious question," he growled back, suggesting I was stupid for even asking, "Look around, this place is for rats."

"You were a rat once," I murmured, letting my voice take a break before the yelling I could feel coming. But the yelling didn't come, instead continuing to walk, Levi's body moving smoothly with every step. We needed to find shelter soon; we had only searched a part of this place, and found nothing. I knew that things got worse at night, more active if you'd call it. We hadn't spoken until I asked him the question, the tension burning between us. I could feel exhaustion coming; we had engaged in fights with people who dared to go up against us, after all, what else could you expect from the underground?

"I know a place we can go," I told him, knowing he'd be thinking the same. I changed directions slightly, moving towards my old apartment, if you could even call that thing an apartment. I stopped in my tracks, realising that he would be in there too, in _that_ apartment.

 _He usually never came in, always annoyed with the fact that he'd have to walk me back, although I never asked him to. Anger flooded my bones from the day, where Isabel had almost gotten herself killed. She was reckless, which meant I always needed to keep one eye on her._

 _Everything had driven me on the edge today, this stinking place, the fucking horrible excuse of people that stayed here. It was sickening, paired with the fact that I had been around Levi way too much, and I needed to be alone, like most times. I could sense his boredom as we reached my place, letting myself ask why I never got a new apartment, this one was wearing out._

" _You can go, Levi," I declared, not letting my focus waver. My anger burned for him as well, mainly because of the way he's been acting. He's always been a dick, but ever since the kiss we shared in a heated workout session, he's been unbearable. It hadn't meant much to me at the time, everything had been leading up to it after all, and the tension had become unbearable. It felt good to let it release when my lips crashed to his own, but now, I wished it had never happened._

 _You know, usually when someone does such things, after it they don't ignore you or treat you like shit, but that seemed to be his preferred method. I don't even know why I let him, but all I knew was that it awoke a hunger I couldn't possibly fulfil. Not a hunger for him, not that inconsiderate ass that reminded me to much of people in my past as well as myself. A hunger for passion, something I hadn't felt in my impassive stature, well, not like that at least._

 _As much as I tried to deny it, the tension was still there, building itself up for a climax. Due to my wandering thoughts, I didn't notice that he was still here. He had followed me and was standing in my doorway, glaring at me._

" _What the fuck do you want, Levi?" my temper really did control me sometimes, but I knew that anger was my strength, and like hell I was going to ever give it up. His brows were furrowed, and a smirk played on the tips of his lips, his fucking demon lips. He still didn't answer, so I made my way over to him, fully intendant on pushing him away._

 _However, the closer I got, the thicker the tension became, and I swear I could have cut it with a butter knife. I stopped moving, close enough to him to push him away. I was about to, before his hand caught my arm, and dare I say, I should have seen it coming. I mean, no one touches the precious Levi. I shook my hand off him, noticing the heat that shot through my arm at the contact. He finally let his smirk glide onto his face, screaming the word stupid at me._

" _Can you get out, your arrogance is distracting," he raised his eyebrow, amusement glimmering in his eyes._

" _You sure it's my arrogance that's distracting?" I could have punched him for that line, but I knew he'd just block it, and I couldn't face the contact of his unforgiving hands on my own._

" _Remind me why you're still bloody here?" I growled at him, fist clenched. His smirk twitched, and his composure stiffened for a moment. I felt my throat go dry, realizing what I was craving. The tension was building, and I wandered what he was going to break it with. My breathing was steady, although I felt the casual irregular heartbeat, my chest rose and fell, controlled._

" _If you're just going to stand there, then I might just stab you," I was entirely serious, I needed to get him out of here. I could practically feel the blood in my veins boiling._

" _Are you suggesting you'd like me to do something else?" his smirk was basically suffocating me, it wasn't often he was such a smart ass, more of the serious unemotional extremely strong asshole. All the moments we had never taken advantage of piled on top of one another, thickening the air that surrounded me. I wanted him to, he wanted to, so why didn't he just do it?_

" _Are you going to?" I asked him, irrationality burning through my voice. I saw his jaw tighten, muscles clenched to the point I thought it might stay like that forever. When he didn't reply, I repeated, "Are you going to, Levi?"_

 _And without any warning, he hit the wall beside me, making a hole in my apartment wall. I was prepared to scream at him, but the look in his eyes talked me out of it. He wouldn't have done that unless he needed to release something, so I accepted it, not like this apartment was incredible anyway. I figured I wouldn't even bother to patch it up, maybe just hang something in front of it. That's how he chooses to control his anger, through violence against the weak wood of my wall, so I knew the answer to my unspoken question. He obviously regretted what happened between us, I was nothing to him, just as he was to me._

 _And with that I turned around, slamming the door into the frame he was once standing in, knowing that tomorrow, all of this would have been forgotten, but the tension would still be there._

 _It was_ _ **always**_ _there._

He already knew where I was thinking, and I couldn't help but see the strain that was on his face as he walked in front of me, my apartment coming into view. It's a moment like this I wish I had actually found a new one, but there was something about this one that made me stay here.

 _Probably because it held a moment when Levi was actually vulnerable,_ I laughed at the sickening thought.

We had stayed silent for the rest of the walk, and I could hardly contain my fits of laughter when we reached the door, noticing the hole still placed charmingly beside it. It screamed _Levi has anger issues_ , which made me laugh even more internally as Levi stiffened. I opened the door generically, ignoring the layer of regret that had begun to cloud my once pure vision.

Without a second to rethink what I was doing, I headed into the apartment, not noticing that Levi hadn't walked in, or more like denying the fact that Levi hadn't walked in.

I took in the sights once again, even though it wasn't long since I had last been here, it was a plain apartment. It was a cold hard slab of wooden floor that held everything up, with only few things to hold up of course, a plain black couch, that I had spent countless nights sleeping on despite the bed that was in the room attached to this one, the wooden table placed inconveniently in the middle of the room and the poor excuse of a kitchen next to it, it wasn't much, but I never complained.

I turned around, my feet dragging against the floor, adjusting to it once again. He was stood in the doorway, same stance he used to take up, and I could tell he was doing it purposely, although he had the same expression of boredom that he always did. It felt as if I was living it all over again, except I was more broken than I had been.

I had let people get to me, as well as this damn Survey Corps. There wasn't one day that went by that I didn't see something that reminded me of Eld, which led to me being reminded of Levi's harsh words about him. This flared my anger particularly well, and I couldn't help but send an imaginary thanks to him for making me want to slit everyone's neck.

"You can come in you know?" I addressed, glaring at him, "You don't have to become a permanent fixture of my doorway."

He had been silent for a surprising amount of time since we were here, which I enjoyed, much better than hearing the filth that spat from his mouth. To my surprise, he walked in, hesitating slightly but enough for me to notice.

The silence that filled the room was paired with tension, and the heat fluctuating from my body wasn't making things any better. _All the fights that had happened here, all the fucking shit._ Then there were other parts, which I didn't care to look back at, that made my throat go dry.

I looked up through the whole in my ceiling, which had come with the place unfortunately, I would have liked to do it myself. It had a perfect view of the stars, the only thing I really liked about this place, even though the air around here is absolutely miserable.

I had so many questions on the tip of my tongue, knowing that if I wanted answers, this silence would be the best time to get them. But when I opened my mouth, I realized I didn't know what I exactly _wanted_ to know.

Why didn't you come back?

Why do you act like you don't know me?

They were questions, but I don't know what I wanted out of them. I wanted an explanation, but didn't I have it already? He left because he didn't care, he acted like he didn't know me because he didn't care, _I was nothing to him, just like he was nothing to me._

 _What am I doing? First I end up letting people get to me and break me, now I'm wondering things that don't matter anymore? I don't even know who I am anymore, when I left here, everything changed for me. He hadn't changed one bit, and it makes me wonder why I have._

"You can sleep on the bed in there," I spat, surprised at my change in attitude, or more like, fed up with this bullshit. I motioned over to my room, if I could even call it that, I never spent time in there, and the stars were out here anyway. He glared at me, and I could practically feel all the insults he had for me in the air. I matched his with my own deadly glare, raising the tension. He just continued to stand there, his muscular build illuminated by lights.

"Is there something you want?" I snapped, "Because if not, I don't see why the fuck you're still standing there," burning rage coursed through me, seeming like only reaction I ever had to him.

"No, but there's something you want to say, so just say it already," he sounded annoyed, and his scowl had deepened, "then we can get back to the task at hand."

"I don't have _anything_ to say to _you_ ," it wasn't exactly a lie, but it wasn't being honest either. The hostility between us was going to get between killing that titan shifting bitch, and I hated it.

"Just fucking say it, stop being such a stubborn immature brat."

He knew how to press my buttons, and can I say, my buttons have been pushed.

"Maybe you should stop acting so damn immature and actually acknowledge the existence I've had in your life," I snarled at him, taking a step closer. It blurted out, but it felt good to see more anger flood into his eyes, proving I affected him just as much as he did me.

"Why would I do that? When your existence didn't mean anything?" I laughed at him, literally, close to doubling over. It wasn't a crazy laugh, nor a sad one, instead just a general laugh that flowed out my mouth beautifully.

"Whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night, Levi," the smirk was wide enough to cover my entire face, and it riled him up further. He jumped towards me, both of us collapsing to the ground in an angry heap. I grunted at the pain from my forgotten injury, his ankle seemed to be fine to him, not that he'd ever let me see him in pain.

He pinned me down, his chest practically growling at my own, causing me to wince in pain. He noticed this, but being the prick he is, didn't care, "You mean _**nothing**_ to me," his elated heartbeat said otherwise, although that could have been from anger.

I doubted it, his heart beat never rose, it was almost inhuman, but I could hear his pulse beat slightly faster than usual, and could feel it too.

"No," I spat at him, not fighting his grip, " _ **You**_ mean nothing to me."

I almost gasped at how sincere it sounded, I was a good liar, but I had no idea I was _that_ good. His grip on me tightened. I expected to see a flicker of disappointment or sadness to flicker through his eyes, but I was naive to believe such things.

I felt his leg collide with mine, which surprised me, he must have been holding it up. His eyes bored their way into me, and I could feel the heat off his body collide with mine. We stayed in the same positions, and tried to stare each other down.

 **Warning: Lemon coming up, RATED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES.**

It's like… right down there so I suggest if you don't want to read it than don't go down xD

"Say that again," Levi threatened, "I dare you."

His gruesome hold did nothing but let the words fall out of my mouth easier, the fire in my eyes clearly evident.

"You mean _**nothing**_ to me, Corporal" the last word burned in my mouth, and before I could take full control of myself, I pulled his head towards me and crashed his lips against my own. My mind had no idea what it was doing, but my body surely did. He grunted at the impact, but we were soon in sync, his lips were hard against my own, burning against each other. My mouth opened in entrance and out tongues collided, fighting each other for dominance, I could taste tea in his mouth and the familiar scent of bleach clogged my senses.

His hands moved down my body, his grip clawing at me much like a cats, leaving red marks that I wasn't sure would fade. I wasn't any gentler, as my hands almost ripped his hair out, pulling on the strands while the kiss deepened. It wasn't enough, there was still so much anger, and so much ferocity begging to be felt.

We pulled back to breathe, but didn't waste one second as he ripped off my shirt, the buttons meaning nothing in this unspoken war, his lips trailed down my neck, nibbling on my skin hard enough for a groan to emerge from my lips, I felt him smirk against the crook in my neck. I pulled his shirt off him, and allowed my hands to trail across his toned chest, an eight pack of abs that were just taunting me. I felt Levi's breath against my chest, as he trailed down to my breasts, biting at them, enticing more groans to release from my mouth. My hands gripped his back, tearing down his shoulder blades leaving fresh red marks.

I pulled his head back to mine, the desire coming to a climax as our tongues burnt together in passion and our bodies pushed together roughly, his tongue licked every inch inside my mouth, his saliva mixing with mine. I ripped at his pants, not breaking from the embrace as he struggled out of them. He bit down on my ear while making his way down with his lips, stopping right above my panties sucking on the skin lightly, teasing me.

He rips the panties off violently, and his tongue massages against my clit, sending vibrations throughout my body as he bites down gently on it. His tongue entered inside me, searching for my sweet spot, I moaned in pleasure when he found it, arching my back and shuddering. His tongue continued to explore and I could feel my climax coming, rippling with pleasure until he pulled out, causing myself to let a disappointed moan escape my lips, he smirked up at me, _two can play at this game._

I flipped him over, crushing my body on top of his in overwhelming friction. My skin was brittle at the feel of his boxers, before I tugged them off, his erection sprang out in front of me, and _goddon't judge a man on his height, because that was surely not the case._ I opened my mouth, inserting his size and licking it vigorously, he moaned, begging me to take more in. I pushed it in further, my tongue gliding smoothly over it and sucking on it fiercely, I allow myself to bite down on it lightly, hearing another groan emerge from his lips. Once I knew he was close, I pulled out, challenging him with my eyes. He took the challenge and picked me up, smashing me against the wall, lighting more lighters to the fire we were already burning.

I felt his member grind against me, sending shockwaves throughout my body, our lips met again, biting at each other and suppressing moans. The hunger was to strong, I needed him now. He sensed it, and gripped my hips tightly while positioning himself at my entrance fiercely, his jagged hands leaving bruises on my smooth skin.

Kissing me harshly, he thrust brutally inside, sending our bodies alight in fire. He thrusts in deeper, rough enough to be painful but extremely pleasurable, my hands clawing at his hair and chest. The anger that resided between us was demanding, as we groaned at each other as his thrusts got faster and harder.

"Levi," I groaned his name as I was beginning to reach my release, as he pummeled my mouth into another violent kiss. I tightened myself around his member, his moan burning throughout my own mouth.

"(y/n)" he whispered as we both reached our releases, the pleasure of it mixing together as one. The vibrations shook throughout my body, my groaning silenced by the kiss Levi planted on my wet lips. We collapsed to the floor in a heap, a sweaty, burning heap of never ending fire.

I could feel the rage drifting through the air as I panted, allowing myself to digest the hunger I'd awoken once again. I looked down, remembering my injury at the bruise stinging on my stomach, humorous to think it had no impact on the encounter. A smirk burned its way across my face, seeing the one planted on Levi himself, all too confident in my nude body as I stretched out, releasing my body from the pain, the amazing pain I had just endured.

I could feel the heat still lighting up the air around me, and the smirk on his lips was enough to awake the hunger again.

 _This was going to be a fun night._

Hope you enjoyed this chapter.

Things be heating up between you and Levi oo00oo0

Could this be a start of a relationship or just angry sex?

Or does what happens in the underground stay in the underground?

Me with this anger man, first an angry reader now an angry lemon. *throws ice bucket water on self*


	12. Chapter 12: Humanity

**I'm sorry that it's short, and the apologies are strong for the wait…**

 **I simply haven't had enough time, but I plan on making up for it somehow.**

 **I don't even know what happened with this chapter, so I'm sorry if it's horrible.**

 **Sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors, didn't have time to proof read, or I just couldn't be bothered xD**

My body throbbed with exhaustion, begging for some sort of realease as we ventured through this retched place. I had hardly gotten any sleep, my body was barely able to maintain in the events that transpired while I should have been sleeping.

No lies were travelling through my mind at this moment, only the truth.

And the truth was that I had needed him, as hard as it was to admit. All this rage that coursed through me in what seemed to be an endless supply needed to be released, and he gave me the perfect option for realising it. Part of me thought that he knew this, and he needed to let go a small fraction too. It gave me a smirk of satisfaction to think that he needed me; he never needed anyone after all.

And I guess you could say I didn't either.

From the way he's been acting ever since it happened, has managed to give me a fleck of doubt. He didn't look to give a fuck at all, simply returning to the way he's always been and treated me. It was naïve to think he'd act any different. The worst thing about it was, he didn't look any different either, his raven black hair falling perfectly over his head, his jawline as crisp as ever, whereas, I undoubtedly looked like shit.

It wasn't that I cared what I looked like, but even I couldn't deny the fact that I felt somewhat weak in his eyes, which managed to imprint a scowl on my face. I hoped that me looking as weak as I could through his smouldering eyes would disgust him, which could work in my favour and keep him away from me in every way possible, so that this way I wouldn't do something I'd regret, _again._ Who am I kidding, I wish I regretted it, but even the filthiest rats in the filthiest sewers knew I didn't. Something about the word filthy had caught my eye recently, mainly due to the way Levi had a slight squirm whenever his attention was caught on anything of the such. And in the case we were currently in, everything seemed to be filthy, so the amusing twitches on Levi's mouth were my current form of entertainment.

The underground looked to be his worst nightmare, not because of the past he's had with it, or the death that reeked inside it, but because everything was _filthy._ I snorted at the endless thoughts about Levi's cleaning addiction, earning a glare from the bleach king himself.

"What exactly are you finding amusing, brat?" he spat, not resisting to brush off the non-existing dirt from his clothing, this just seemed to validate my thoughts and I let out a smirk and another snort. I ignored his his fuming as I continued walking down the silent alleyway, keeping my eyes sharp.

I wondered whether what happens in the underground stays in the underground was a key factor to me and Levi's current standing, we had only been here a short while and shit already hit the fan, who knew what could happen for the duration of the assignment. Or would he just forget about it like he already seemed to with last night? It was quite infuriating, the fact that I'm spending my time stooping over him, asking myself questions that he'd only have the answers too.

The irony, I promised myself to get answers from him, some form of justification at least and I ended up more confused than I was when I had begun. This wasn't like me, I always got answers, I never let people push me around the way he did. What, just because I've had a past with him it automatically grants him my silence? He doesn't seem to give a single fuck about anything, so maybe I should take up that way of thinking again; it surely worked for me the last time.

That was, until _Eld._

It wasn't just him, but I felt as though it was him more than anyone. The fact that I remembered him in such vain was probably hideous to anyone else, the only thing I could think about him was that he had managed to crack me, and I hated him for it.

Back to the task at hand, which happened to be just as infuriating as the man walking beside me. We had been searching for the titan bitch for god knows how long, and come up empty handed each time. The frustration never ended, and I found my patience growing wary, we were supposed to give this place the best search we could, and I honestly didn't know how the fuck we were going to. Not big on the optimism here, but so be it.

So now, we were following Chet's advice, or more what seemed the most logical but at the same time stupidest thing we could come up with. Despite contrary belief, being stealthy around here was hardly existent, people here weren't scared, rather safe than anything, living a life like rats was something you became used to, and comfortable with. So many lived out in the open, rid of fear, then there were people like me, that lived in the shadows, a rather peculiar way of life based on the foundation of a reputation.

I'm not surprised that I haven't managed to clash with any acquaintances I had here, but I doubt that this will last long, as the people I knew weren't weak instead rather strong within themselves, leading them to the only place that seemed fitting, and the place we were enduring this much movement to reach.

The extremity of the underground, the depths of it, the ruthless end where you can only watch out for yourself, it felt like an eternity since I had last been there.

When we stepped out of the clearing of the alleyway, my breath hitched inside my throat.

I wasn't _afraid,_ I wasn't _weak,_ and I wasn't going to be like that. I could hear the distant sounds of screams paired with uncanny laughter. As my eyes caught sight of the gigantic building ahead and the fluorescent lights that flickered on occasion, I knew exactly where we were.

It wasn't a place that was distributed heavily around the underground, as this was the only placement of such a thing. What was the appropriate word for it, a _blood bath?_ That's what it was entirely, where the strongest and quite often the weakest fought against each other driven by nothing but greed, there were no rules there, not that there were any down here anyway.

It was where the _animals_ fought, which is what we are, _animals._ Everything I had seen from inside the towering place was nothing short of animalistic, nothing more and nothing less. It was built like a stadium, and the aura that surrounded it screamed danger, the amount of blood that was shed inside this would be enough to drown us all. I could hear the shouts coming from inside it, quite an obscure comparison to the silent air that roamed around us.

When we walked inside, I realised what it really was to be _stared_ at, people knew of me, and I hardly made appearances like this. However when I did, people never stared like they did now, there was no doubt that word had gotten around about my current standing above ground, and having Levi with me wasn't exactly helping me in keeping eyes off me. Truth be told, I had no idea why we weren't being stealthy, any intelligent human would know that this would be the smartest of actions, yet it was Levi's command, so I was left with nothing but to follow it like a stray dog.

The stench of gore clogged my senses as people averted there gaze from us, some ending it with a glare while others with interest. Judging by the amount of swaying that was taking place, many of them had gotten drunk, some were trading and selling and some were engaging in pointless fights. But if that titan bitch would be anywhere here, it would be in one of the arenas, where a battle was taking place. I walked up the crusty stone steps, feeling the displeasure radiating off Levi in powerful motions.

When we made it to the first arena, I noticed Levi's jaw clench to the point I thought it could break. A battle was in place, not like those pointless fights, a fight differs from a battle immensely; battles rely on strength as well as wit, and in the kinds of battles here, its win or die. What was the point of all this? It was predicated on the hope of victory, in which you would gain winnings as well as respect. These battles were driven by nothing but greed, if you surrendered then you'd most likely be brutally bashed or marked with the word weak for life, and most people rather die. When you're labelled weak in the underground, all you can ever do is try to redeem yourself, or die. If you win however, you become respected or envied as well as gaining winnings that are like gold to the pigs of the underground.

I should refrain from calling them pigs, after all I was one of them, and maybe I still am.

I knew this place like the back of my hand, I competed here whenever I found myself needing the money and had never lost, proved by the heart beating in my chest. It was the main reason people knew of me and I hated it more than words could describe, soon enough they made the connection to me being the ripper, as I could not change my killing tactics, and well, no one dared to mess with me then on.

I had a rather interesting reputation, you could say.

Many people would say a valuable reputation, but I am repelled at the thought of that.

I couldn't help but feel a pair of eyes burning through me as I let my eyes search the arena; looking for any glimpse of the titan bitch I'd been given. I couldn't help but notice the amount of people staring at Levi, which made me wonder whether they knew who he was, or rather wondered who the new meat was.

He hasn't been here in years, so surely they couldn't visualize him. I didn't have to look too far, before my eyes were caught in someone else's, their piercing blue eyes pressed into a strong furrow. _Isaac_. An acquaintance I had the bad fortune of seeing, a sigh erupted from my pursed lips and I felt Levi's aroma grow more heated.

That's when it clicked, they knew each other.

 _Of all the people, it had to be him._

I didn't bother to hide my disgust as I saw the figure that stood beside him, when she noticed me I could almost feel the disappointment etching throughout her; she thought I was gone of course. The poor excuse of a woman that girl was, even the sound of her name made my body quicken with rage. _Alexa_ , never have I ever felt such violent thoughts for someone of that name.

The girl that had so eagerly spun a web of lies about my brother, and sent him to his very own death bed at her own feral hands, the amount of times I had been close to killing her was unreal, before someone got in the way, such a cowardly girl never walked around without protection. Hence the killing sprees I went on to let off fuel, I vowed to myself I would kill her and Levi knew this, which made me wonder his reaction to the evil bitch.

I was so caught up in the thought of her heart slowly coming to an end I didn't notice the muscular frame clouding my vision, before he spoke, the voice I seemed to be sick of hearing.

"Well, if it isn't humanities strongest," his fist wound into a ball, as Alexa somewhat cowered behind him, pathetic wasn't enough to describe such filth.

"Oh, the traitorous bastard I assumed had died with the rest of the pathetic rats residing here," Levi spat, his cold gaze smouldering them to ashes. _Traitorous? He must think Isaac betrayed us by becoming Alexa's new guard dog._ The word _us_ tipped off the edge of my mind, _now is not the time to be having these thoughts._ This is why I never placed my trust in Isaac, you can never trust anyone in this world, and at best you can only use them for your own benefit, that's the reality of it.

"So the rumours are true, you really have become the pretentious scum I always knew you'd be," he glanced over at me, thinking I didn't notice the regret that flashed through his eyes, "I would say I expected more of you, but that would be nothing but a lie."

"Lying's what you do best, why stop now?" Levi growled, his stoic form dissipating as the seconds ticked by. It wasn't that he had anger issues; it was more that he wasn't one to be pushed around.

"I think you forget that we are all Liars here," he looked Levi up and down before opening his mouth to speak again, "It's a shame you haven't grown at all." I could have snorted at this, if I wasn't so blinded by red. To my surprise, Levi threw no punches, yet the tension in his bones released his corporal stance in full affect and his i-don't-give-a-single-shit attitude making a comeback.

Got to admit, the stoic form really did fit well on him, and could scare anyone within a five mile radius.

"It's a shame you're still the same rat living in the same sewer," he replied, his voice icy, "I guess some things never change."

"And some things do," he muttered, his words trailing off in thought as his eyes reached mine, I narrowed my eyes to him, warning him not to test me, "I heard that you had joined in the pointless crusade of mankind, but I didn't believe it. Especially not since _he_ left, but I've been proven wrong and saying I'm disappointed would be an understatement."

"And saying I gave a fuck would be a lie," I shot back, resentment glowering at the reference to Levi, the last thing I needed was for him to know what it was like when he left, "I could say I wasn't expecting you to be here with _her_ but a part of me always knew what a pathetic coward you are."

At the mention of anything to do with her, Alexa's face grew strained, a look that seemed to only deepen the amusement glimmering in my calm eyes. I knew it wouldn't be long until that calm turned to rage, but I enjoyed the moment where my breathing was steady, almost as controlled as Levi's always seemed to be.

"Care to engage in a small battle while we're here _Alexa?"_ her name rolled of my tongue, burning like wood to a fire, "I'll make sure you're death bed is covered with fake flowers, a representation of the fake bitch you are. Not insulting in any way particular but your forehead creases seem to have grown more constant, not to mention the façade of innocence that seems to have disappeared. Oh no, don't tell me your reflection is finally showing who you are inside, that'd be a shame to see a girl that ugly."

She gasped, obviously not expecting me to speak to her, but I could hardly contain the remarks on her appearance, her one and only vice that she relied on entirely. She was, how could I say this?

A _whore._

And my brother was just another one of her prey.

She suddenly seemed to have a surge of fake confidence, which was nothing but another façade in front of the coward that lied beneath her skin, "You're brother never seemed to think I was fake, It makes me wonder how you were really related. You should consider yourself lucky, that your pulse is still beating, and not making threats you will never live up to."

I wasn't angry.

I wasn't raged.

 _I was insane._

I could feel my heart beat reaching a point of insanity, and all thoughts directed at ripping her throat out.

"Maybe I should finish the job, I mean, you're brothers dead. But you're still alive, and quite frankly that annoys me, knowing that you breathe the same air. I know that Isaac would have all but too much pleasure in killing you, he reminds me a lot like you're brother, willing at my every command."

I thought I knew Isaac, the one I knew wouldn't have stood for that comment, wouldn't have listened to her undignified words about my brother let alone himself. But I knew everything I had known about him burned to ashes when he spoke up, proving that even time in a matter of weeks could change things in gigantic proportions, and "I'll kill her like I killed her brother."

Everything faded then, and I knew there was no hope of me turning back, whatever humanity I had left in me had to have vanished at that point. I felt the air stiffen as Isaac stumbled back, as I noticed the red tint to Levi's fist before he hit him again, and again, and again.

Through Alexa's screams, I heard nothing but the punches of Levi's fist impacting on Isaac's now bleeding face.

As though this gave me more motive than I'd ever had, I pounced on Alexa like a lion to a zebra, ripping into her, really earning the name of the _ripper._

When I looked over at Levi and caught sight of his blood stained hand that continued to impound onto Isaac's form, the words filthy and animalistic sat themselves inside my mind.

He wasn't going to kill him, and I wasn't going to kill her, I hadn't lost my humanity, and I sure as hell wasn't going to lose it to her.

 _He wasn't a killer, far from it._

 _And I knew that he wouldn't let him die that easily._

 **A/N: I've started writing the next chapter already, and I promise you.. We will be getting to deeper things with Levi, It's about time isn't it xD**


	13. Chapter 13: Treading Lightly Pt 1

**QUICK CHAPTER... ONLY PART ONE THOUGH, MORE SHIT WILL WILL HAPPENI HONESTLY HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK I WROTEWHAT AM I DOING, SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME?**

Her face was bloodied, oncoming bruises already peaking, her lip swollen and her body shivering.

Part of me wondered if I had gone overboard, but most of me enjoyed the sight of her like a sadist. Levi had stopped so much earlier than I, and had restrained me from pounding Alexa's face in too much.

Isaac was currently passed out, along with Alexa whose body was still involuntarily shaking even though she seemed to be unconscious. I didn't see as many eyes on us as I had expected to, as most were focusing on the battle and had seen me in so many fights they deemed it normal, or rather they just didn't recognise me, which was understandable, considering the fact that I could hardly recognise myself right now.

This wasn't the plan; we were looking for the girl that had killed so many comrades, even people to be considered friends, not engaging in pointless bashings. It wasn't Levi, this wasn't Levi and I didn't understand why he couldn't keep his restraint towards Isaac. He doesn't care for me so why would he care for Isaac's worthless claims of killing my brother?

"What the fuck was that?" the words tumbled from my mouth before I had the chance to stop them, looking him dead in the eye with curiosity. His hand was the definition of red, smouldering and looking as though it could burn me.

"We need to get back to the task, she's obviously not in this arena," he spoke, matching my gaze with the same emotionless eyes he gave to everyone, I never thought the way he is was an act, but in this moment I couldn't help but feel that he was covering something. He walked through the doors of the arena before I even moved an inch, leaving both Isaac and Alexa lying on the floor.

I wasn't going to let him do this now; he couldn't avoid anything any longer. When I stepped back outside of the arena and moved to the next one, I was filled with determination.

 _There were so many things I would have said to everyone before they died, and if he died now it would just be another regret I hated myself for. Never getting answers was one thing, not facing things was another._

"You're not going to do this," I growled, as I walked across the new arena to where Levi was currently surveying the crowd silently, "I don't care if we get surrounded by titans right now, I want an answer because I am sure as hell done with your shit."

"Focusing on the task at hand is the main priority," the amount of restraint it took not to slap him in that moment was enormous, "So focus."

The restraint failed me, as I pinned him against the furthest wall away from the people and the battle, hoping not to gain more attention. He didn't struggle against me, just pulled my hands off him with him still against the wall and me fuming.

"Why did you almost beat Isaac to death, Levi," I spat the words venomously, asking myself why I asked that question out of all of them.

"You get stupider by the second. He was threatening to kill you, I hit him before he could get in the first move," it was a lie, I knew it and he knew it. I guessed he expected me not to push him on it, if he did then he obviously didn't know me that well.

"Bullshit," I growled, narrowing my eyes in evident anger, "Why can't you speak the truth for once?"

"Why do you insist on believing there is some sort of ulterior motive to everything?" he was as calm as ever, bored even, "Ever since you've been here, you've questioned everything I've done, rather pathetically. Almost as though you are trying to convince yourself that I'm different from what you see," he leaned towards my ear, whispering the last part, "And out of everyone, you should be the one to know that's not the case."

"I'm done," the words tipped of my tongue like a vase off a bench, shattering at the impact it gets when it reached the floor, "As far as I'm concerned, I never knew you before I was captured, I never cared for you and I never _slept_ with you. You're right, I've tried to convince myself that there is something other than hatred from me in your non-existent heart, I've tried to believe that you aren't you, but I'm obviously wrong."

The silence hung in the air, nothing but my shallow breathing could be heard in my ears.

Even though I admitted to being wrong, part of me was still surprised when he didn't reply, when he looked at me with the same condescending smirk which appeared on occasions such as these. I made another choice then, one I knew I was going to regret.

 _It could have been considered an overreaction, but I couldn't stay there anymore, I can't see him every day when he looks at me like I'm nothing, when he acts as though I've never meant anything to him even from the years I had known him. I was never going to be able to focus, never going to have the rage subside, never going to be able to release the tension that so eagerly rose on the most unfortunate of occasions._

I walked away from him like I should have so many times, this time not turning back, knowing that he was one person that was either in my life completely or outside of it, there was no middle ground.

I was beating the living shit out of him, and I knew it wasn't soon before I'd kill him. People were shouting, rooting for the ruthless monster that was identified as _the ripper,_ that was identified as _myself._

I didn't care who it was or the people that surrounded me, all I cared about was enduring as much physical pain that I could, to burn off the anger that was sure to eat me from the inside like a virus.

My hands could so simply snap his childish neck, and I would have no problem in doing so. But it would never be enough, the only thing that would, would be _her_ blood on my hands.

If only I hadn't promised him, that foolish brother of mine not to kill her,

He loved her, and he was a bloody idiot for doing so.

All I ever knew now was _hate;_ hate and anger were the only things that pushed me far enough, that let blinding rage overtake me enough to actually make a difference. So it didn't make sense, that when I was calm much like Levi, that I was just as strong, I wanted to believe I hated everything, it was easier that way.

I wasn't surprised he didn't come after me; he didn't care after all did he? When I left I had retreated to a bar, drinking didn't help me at all before I moved on to a rather popular fighting club, it wasn't like the arena, there was no such thing as respect here, nor winnings. Simply a place to get out frustrations or test strength, and the word brutal hardly covered the way I was bashing his chest in right now.

"I," the man raised up one of his hands in defeat; "I concede, you're good" he sputtered out, wincing at the amount of pain he was enduring. There was no hope of getting himself up, and although I had no respect towards those who surrendered, I pulled him up, hearing his staggered breaths and seeing his swaying body was enough to confirm he wouldn't be conscious for long. I pushed him against one of the chairs near the bar, dispersing the crowd that surrounded us as some of them lingered in awe while others focused their attention to something else.

I was the victor, which gave me the right to choice my next opponent, I hadn't looked at any of the contenders, too busy in my own head while pounding someone else's in. So when I saw his unmistakable pitch black hair, my blood boiled.

 _Why in the fucking world would he follow me, he knew I quit._

I knew I couldn't win, which just made things even more fucking annoying. If I didn't fight him I'd look cowardly and weak, even more than I had managed to.

But before I even knew it, I was head to head against Levi; apparently I had no say in the matter when it came to him.

"What are you doing here shorty?" I spat at him, disgust displayed all over my features. Trying to burn away whatever part of me that was glad he was here, that just wanted him to tell me I didn't need him, so I could start to really believe it myself. But I hid all this with years of skill, even though I was sure he could wash away whatever lies I told him.

I needed to stop being so honest with myself, I need denial, why the fuck is there no denial in my thoughts?

"Tch," he clicked his tongue, "If you don't know then you're more idiotic then I gave you credit for," when I stayed silent he continued, "You made a choice, you aren't just going to walk out on it, all because of what? Because I'm not the cuddly teddy bear you want me to be, well tough shit. You're going to have to deal with it, I'm your corporal."

"Not right now you're not," I growled, lurching at him with all my might, sending us both spiralling against the hard wood of the room's floor. At first, he didn't fight much, letting me hit him where I pleased, _and just fucking fight me already._

I said that to soon, as his breath fanned my cheek while my arms were pinned down to the floor, an annoyed Levi hanging over me.

 _How did we always manage to get into this position?_

"I'll always be your corporal," his cold eyes drilled into my own that were lit with blazing fire, challenging him.

"I didn't think Corporal's fucked their Cadets," I spat, seeing his gaze harden, only made the fury I had for him heat my body heat to the point it could burn to touch, yet he seemed perfectly fine pinning me on the ground, smelling the same scent of bleach on him despite the stench of the hellish underground.

"That was a mistake," he growled and I couldn't help the stabbing feeling I felt jolt at my chest, even though I could tell he was lying, it still angered me that the words could so easily be spoken from his mouth. This short ass really could be the mind fuck of the century when he wanted to, I let a smirk radiate on my lips, trying to burn everything and everyone with rage.

"I think you forget that I know you well enough to be able to tell when you're lying," I mused arrogantly, "And everything coming out of your mouth seems to be nothing **short** of a lie," my smirk grew even wider as I put the emphasis on the word short, hardly containing the laughter that came out of nowhere, "Short joke was intended," I finished.

"You don't know me at all," his tone was deadly serious, and by the look in his eye I could tell it wasn't the time to be neither sarcastic nor bitchy, but what right did he have to tell me otherwise. He screwed up, it takes two to tango but I refuse to be blamed for this, like the stubborn brat I am.

"You're right," the words surprised him but I kept going, "The Levi I knew wouldn't have left me like I meant nothing, the Levi I knew wouldn't have acted as though the years of trust meant nothing, the Levi I knew wouldn't have had no honour nor anger, the Levi I knew wouldn't have slept with me in the goddamn underground like I meant nothing," my voice was strained, hard to let the truthful words out of my mouth. When had everything gotten so fucked up?

He was still the same cold, detached and stoic man he had always been, but why did he seem so different?

"What happened to you, Levi?" it was the first time in a while I saw something inside of him soften, before it was replaced with ice, "Did I honestly never mean anything?"

"What made you think you ever meant anything to me at all?" he sounded as if he was questioning himself more than me, but before I could answer he continued, "How did you ever expect me to come back when the only people you cared about had died had my own foolish hands?" He wasn't looking at me with anger, no desperation, no fear, just cold, a blank expression that made my skin crawl.

It was the first time he actually said anything worth hearing, and god knows why he was saying it now.

All I knew was that I needed to tread lightly, or I was likely to get my head blown off.


	14. Chapter 13: Treading Lightly Pt 2

**REALLY SHORT CHAPTER, I APOLOGIZE SINCERELY, EVEN THOUGH IT IS ONLY A PART O_o**

 **IT'S ALSO REALLY SHIT. XD**

 **PLEASE READ THE END NOTE AS WELL**

 **AND VOTE AND COMMENT IF YOU ENJOYED!**

 **THANKS FOR READING!**

 **Last Chapter:**

" **What happened to you, Levi?" it was the first time in a while I saw something inside of him soften, before it was replaced with ice, "Did I honestly never mean anything?"**

" **What made you think you ever meant anything to me at all?" he sounded as if he was questioning himself more than me, but before I could answer he continued, "How did you ever expect me to come back when the only people you cared about had died had my own foolish hands?" He wasn't looking at me with anger, no desperation, no fear, just cold, a blank expression that made my skin crawl.**

 **It was the first time he actually said anything worth hearing, and god knows why he was saying it now.**

 **All I knew was that I needed to tread lightly, or I was likely to get my head blown off.** ********************************

"That's a pathetic excuse," I told him, deciding that I didn't care if he'd get riled up for it, "You promised me, and you dare to blame the fact that you broke that promise because they both died. How many times are you going to say it was because of them, can you never accept responsibility for anything?"

What a fat load of crap that was coming from _my_ mouth.

When he didn't answer me, I pushed him off me and started running, running out of this damned place, away from him, anywhere else. I could hear him hot on my trail as I turned corners sharply trying to lose him, I didn't even know where I was as I stood on the top of a small rooftop, knowing that the whole endeavour had been pointless as I heard his feet come to a halt behind me.

"You can't just run away, not anymore," he growled as my breathing steadied, "Everyone dies, and I chose to believe that you died with them."

"Why are you telling me this now?" I murmured quietly, while my eyes screamed in anger.

"You aren't just going to quit, not while I'm your corporal, not while I'm your _captain_ ," When I realised he wasn't going to continue, my body took control, hitting him with my clenched fist. He didn't stumble, just stepped back calmly preparing for my next attack.

"After everything, that's all I am to you?" why these words came out of my mouth was something I'd never understand, but I chose not to question myself and followed my instincts. Lunging for him unsuccessfully again and again, "Just another fucking soldier, just another dead girl walking, just another rat."

I didn't manage to hit him once, which was when I understood something was wrong. I slowed my breathing, coming to a halt in my aggressions, letting whatever calmness I could retrieve overtake me. I was almost there, before I felt my breath burn in my mouth,

"What do you want to be to me, (y/n)?" he was looking at me with curiosity; the mood swings with him were unreal. His scowl had somewhat loosened and his hair seemed to look a shade darker, the jet black strands lying perfectly against his skull.

"Something more than just a rat," I replied, disgust in my tone, "I know I'm more to you than that, so why can't you admit it Levi?"

He stiffened, somehow proving my accusations and looked up at me, drilling into my fiery eyes with his ice cold orbs.

He stepped towards me, his feet colliding with the ground harshly, "What happens if I tell you that you're more, (y/n)? If I tell you that I don't regret sleeping with you, that I've been waiting to touch you for years. If I tell you that I wish I wasn't your corporal, and that we didn't live in this hell of a world?"

It was a rhetorical question, but it made me think more than anything did, "We are in the middle of an assignment, searching for something that could bring an end to human existence and you're telling me to be honest? Tell me to be honest when we are out of this stinking place they call an underground, when you've finally proved you can actually follow orders and put your personal feelings aside when needed. You told not only me but Erwin that you won't let such things cloud your judgement, so stay true to that."

He sounded more annoyed than anything, but I knew that this was his way of saying _not now._

He was entirely right; I had practically promised Erwin the exact opposite of what I was doing now.

"I have to report the update, it's your choice whether you come or not," he grumbled, before jumping off the rooftop and heading towards the designated point to give a report on our findings. This was the only time that we could hear any legitimate information about what was going on within the Scouting Legion and other news, and practically the only time we could be brought back by orders without finishing the assignment.

So the curiosity I felt when I saw the usually serious member of Erwin's squad filled with worry was well deserved, while Levi stood bored as always, having not even looked at me on the trip here. We were in an abandoned building not too far off from one of the undergrounds entrances, the building looked as if it could crumble any minute.

"You have been ordered to return immediately," I could feel the man release a breath of relief as he spoke the words, while his face seemed to be the definition of strained, his eyes seemed begging, filled with fear.

"What happened?" I questioned him, before Levi could interject; the man looked me straight in the eye, the same fear never disappearing.

"Annie Leonhart isn't here, she went on a rampage, I wasn't going to come here but Erwin commanded me to, saying we needed humanity's strongest," he hesitated slightly from the words he spoke next, "That was before he.." he trailed off, leaving myself to tense.

"He what? We don't have time for this," Levi growled, furious.

"He's in critical condition, as well as many other comrades, we were attacked out of nowhere, proving there is a spy amongst us," he shuddered, earning a grunt from Levi.

"How did this happen? What of Eren?" I spat out, Eren surely must have stopped something.

He shook his head, "The titan boy went wild in the beginning, and when he came to his senses he could only hold her off so much."

"So please do tell me why the fuck we are just standing around with our heads up our asses while we are in havoc?" I yelled, not before leaping off the building, mad that such pointless conversations were taking place.

"Annie's gone."

The words made me stop in my tracks, as my breathing grew angrier, "What do you mean she's gone?!"

I glared daggers at the man, following suit after Levi's own hard gaze, "She escaped beyond the wall, we weren't prepared."

"Well you should have been fucking prepared," I yelled at him, noticing him wince slightly, this must have been a sensitive topic for him but I didn't give two shits. I was taking my anger out on him, I was blaming him, all because I loathed the fact that the titan shifting bitch had escaped. I continued to storm off, huffing as I did so.

"Wait, there's more information you should both know before we return," the man spoke, finding whatever strength he could in his voice, I glared back at him, noticing that Levi had hardly spoken, "There was another titan shifter amongst the female titan and Yeager, thought to be the spy."

My body went rigid at his words, biting my tongue with enough power to cut it in half.

"The titan shifter was..."

 **OOOOO CLIFFHANGERS BE LIKE,**

 **SO TELL ME,**

 **WHO DO YOU THINK THE TITAN SHIFTER IS AND WHO DO YOU WANT IT TO BE?**

 **IT COULD BE ANYONE,**

 **ANYONE….**

 **LEAVE A COMMENT LETTING ME KNOW WHO YOU THINK IT IS, AND WHOEVER GETS IT RIGHT WILL BE GETTING SOME VOTES ^.^**

 **ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN THINKING THAT THE TITAN I AM SAYING IS GOING TO BE THE ONES FROM THE MANGA, THIS IS NOT THE CASE xD**


End file.
